I HAVE FAILED AS A HUMAN BEING

my supervisor sends me "onion" articles

Cosupervisor gets even more points for being cool today as he sent me an article from the Onion. Neat.

I saw Ewan MacGregor's "Stay" today....no idea...anyone seen it and wanna explain it? I THINK it was Ryan Gosling's life flashing before his eyes....but that doesn't quite jive to me...sorry if I ruined the movie for anyone...this IS MY blog.....

Fairly productive day...yay! Very broke and spending too much money...boo!

Saw the apartment today...not really clean enough of a building....made sorta a fool of myself trying to find out whether I could keep looking or if I had to take it right away.....

Hate my blood sugars...must see doctor....i think that my blood sugar jumps up if I don't eat supper by 7:00pm...weird and intensely aggravating.

Met with the kid I tutored last year in stats...he wants me to tutor him again....sure....too bad he's so damn good looking..it's really, really annoying....nice kid, really wants to learn though...best kinda kid to tutor...

Chatted with Timbuctoo today....I think he came online just to see if I was gonna to the pub tommorrow...I think I said I'd go only cuz I wanted to see him...yoy.

Ok, still lame, I know...I just have so many things on my mind that I don't have the energy to make them stories...too bad.

Feeling Life

Seriously,.....in LOVE with Bloc Party...so catchy and funky....

So I have to say that today thus far has been a success...I've accomplished some stuff....I've finalized some stuff....I had a nice lunch with roomie...I'm fairly satisfied....of course there's lotsa night left...

So it turns out this scholarship to Cali is only for students who have a degree from the US....which totally sucks cuz that means that if I had done an MA there, I'd be eligible...it doesn't exclude international students...just one's not already going to school in the US. Boo. Or Yay. I can't decide...I think I mostly feel relieved. I think in reality I really, really am looking forward to working on my PhD with my current supervisors. Supervisor emailed me comments on the paper- that-wouldn't-die today and I'm excited for him to come back so we can talk theory! Yeeeee....it's kinda nice having a direction...and to be legitimately interested in that direction....at least i think I am...

what else...well, I still haven't done any grading, but I have started my readings for next week...which is Very, Very important since I'm leading the discussion...so I'm feeling useful.

And the keyholders fixed the eyetracker and I didn't actually lose a single participant (well after the first one) ....yay.

But i'm still broke. :( ...and still can't find my umbrella....but mostly I feel HAPPY. Yay!

survivin sorta

Ok, ok, so I complain alot...and i'm not particularly interesting about it....but that's what happens when my To Do list is longer than my CV. Sad.

Today's reflections include

....BLOC PARTY ROCKS....I can't get Banquet outta my head...so good...must find more....
....stupid me....i think I erased all the eyetracker control files, potentially leading to a whole ton of work for others and much embarrassment on my part....at least, I lost one participant because of my stupdity or the machine's stupidity...either way..grrrrrr to that....this shoudl really help cosupervisor not being annoyed with me....

speaking of supervisors, I'm having trouble deciding whether to apply for this scholarship in Cali or not....i mean, I REALLY want to learn to surf...but I don't really want to leave supervisor and cosupervisor, nor am I particularly interested in Cali. I want to go because of surfing, cuz it will look great on my CV and because I'm scared that I'm not taking enough risks in my career.....and I hate this town...it's so ruddy dirty....

....I'm nervous about discussing it with supervisor...after all my reassurances to Ms. Movies that she need not be worried about such things...silly....but I want to work with him...but I also kinda would like to know if I could win this scholarshiop...dunno....dunno...and of course me putting off writing the email to the Cali researcher is bringing more disappointed looks from cosupervisor...ahhhhhhh

....and i'm fairly broke...and i am going crazy.

I knew the words but I sang them wrong

Chris Isaak is my muse. Sigh.

So Timbuctoo shared a dream/nightmare he had recently. Like a good girl I provided unbiased interpretation...and i think I did pretty well actually....but I have to say that in the back of my mind I was rooting for the interpretation that said that he wanted me....so annoying.

I know it's wrong to want to spend time with him...but it's like he says...I just feel so damn good around him.

I just need someone of my own...damn it.

Today was ok. I booked a ticket home for December 10...that's great...for a month....though I think cosupervisor is displeased and worried that I'm not gonna finish my MA on time.....that's bad....I also set up an appointment to view an apartment on Thursday...that's good...

I'm worried about this cosupervisor thing....I mean I know he wasn't pleased with how long it took to finish that paper (hell, I wasn't pleased either)...but I utterly cringe to disappoint him...and I WILL work while I'm home but I'm worried....I have so much to do...and I'm just not finishing things....I MUST get down to doing stuff.

a better day

So today I did a few things...my self esteem is recovering...notably, I :

• finished my paper
• went to the play

Ok, so maybe I didn't accomplish tons but I accomplished important stuff. And that is good.

a better day

So today I did a few things...my self esteem is recovering...notably, I :

• finished my paper
• went to the play

Ok, so maybe I didn't accomplish tons but I accomplished important stuff. And that is good.

unimpressed

Honestly. My behavior is simply atrocious. I think I am considering quitting drinking. Highlights:

• missed the play with Smiley
• said God knows what to the Redhead's bf
• made a big deal out curly's ridiculous behaviour of trying set me and the Redhead's bf up
• phone Cody...three times...oops
• spent over $70
• talked about drinking alot....I hate when people do that...

I'm gonna be late again...

just like me

I saw her today. And I liked her. She dressed like me, moved like me, gestured like me, smiled like me....i think that if i were her, I would become her quickly. I couldn't dislike her. she wasn't rude. She smiled....I want you to stay with her because she is good. she is just like me....I see me in her. Don't break her heart. She deserves you.

don't waste my time

So. SuperD has officially pissed me off. Now, I'm not one to take it too hard if someone I've already dropped into the "not potential" category doesn't want to see me...but they should really not waste my time because they don't want to be a man. Seriously. So, SuperD some time maybe last week was like "ya, let's do something after we're not busy anymore next week...let's talk Monday"...I call him Monday and he's like "sure...how about we do something Thursday"...ok...whatever....so I get an email from him today saying how he's tired (sure) and busy all weekend so he's not sure he wants to do anything today, BUT he'll call me later (sure)....this is fine with me since I'm sick AND I have to proctor an exam at 8:30am....but - he hasn't managed to call me by 9pm and I'm a little annoyed. I mean I wasn't planning on doing anything with him but I don't appreciate the lack of respect that goes along with saying you'll call and then not doing it...he's now on my F-list.

Also, I put all my instructional technology workshops onto my CV as "professional development" and man does it make me look like some kinda star...I almost don't want to post the updated CV cuz I'll kinda look weird..and maybe a little high on myself....hmmm....

top angst

Today's relevant events:

• roomie's computer is screwed, but her data is rescued
• my coffee mug is newer than roomies' so my top is newer but I am sure that she has been using mine for ages (new = much tighter) which wasn't an issue until today when remnant coffee spilled all over my stuff in my bag....grrrrr
• i am a total pain....
• i totally need to stop going out and finish my work

In other news

1. one scholarship app down, one to go
2. supervisor thinks the app proposal looks great
3. breakfast with the lab mates went well....though I still feel a bit like I need to prove myself....
4. I am gonna be on tv
5. roomie's computer may be dead...poor girl...we had dinner together today and it was good...we actually hung out and yakked like friends which was great.
6. i bought vitamin e and a compact with five colors of concealer for all the scars I have on the side of my forehead from pimples in the last two years....they're not bad, but they drive me nuts since I had perfect skin until I was 24....i feel cheated that I should have scars from pimples that old....I think i really need to start treating my body nicer...I'll feel better
7. I really want to hang out with SuperD and yak...I hope he doesn't bail on thursday...
8. I hit the ball over the heads of two left fielders on Saturday. Felt great.
9. I played second base very well on Saturday...felt great too.
   

Re: number 4...today smiley and I were taped swing dancing for a telvesion show on biological motion...super neat...basically, they attached little spherical reflectors all over our body and then shine lights on us and the computer picks up our bodies as a bunch of light points...super cool...maybe you've seen point-light walkers? They have two people on a bicycle with point-lights in Men in Black....if you've seen that....

chasing mice around

Oh my. Oh me. Oh my. So many things to report. Oh dear. Where to start. I could write a Dr. Seuss book....
Ok, so softball with Timbuctoo on Saturday was great...finally some excercise, he didn't bring wifey, the team was good and tons of fun. We won the tournament, I got to hang out with Timbuctoo. Life was good.

Then on the way home, Timbuctoo says something along the lines of "I'm totally up for a pitcher if you are"....which meant a pitcher plus some NTN which was great fun....and then he had tentative plans to watch the hockey game with some of our mutual friends which of course I was invited to join in on....but apparently I was the only one who was interested....so he had to decide whether he should just come watch the game with me....which he did...and so we put down another pitcher and watched the game...and then he was gonna go to a party...with wifey if she wanted to go...or stay and watch the OTHER hockey game, which I wanted to see....wifey wasn't interested in the party so down went another pitcher....

Issues:

• he told wifey he was drinking with his "team"
• I don't think wifey knew i was playing
• beer + camel + timbuctoo = very open discussions

so, side story....Timbuctoo and I are fairly drunk after two pitchers AFTER the first earlier one...and who walks in but SuperD....who says "I thought you were finishing your proposal" and "you're drunk aren't you"....ya....he thinks I'm a lush and it's totally making me feel bad. Boo. ....incidentally I called him yesterday to invite him out since we'd loosely discussed doing something but he's like "how about Thursday?" so I said "cool" but I don't know....my guess is he's gonna bail cuz he thinks I'm some kinda slack-ass boozer....hope not cuz he's fun and interesting...

so, back to the real story....so Timbuctoo and I emerge from the sports bar liquored and holding hands...and go for poutine and then he begins walking me home...well, I've got my head on pretty straight and am carefully kyboshing any possible touching that could lead to misbehavior....

we get to my place, he comes up to use the bathroom, I call a cab....and then he gives me a hug and then I say, "go" and he says, "come wait with me for the cab"...I say "why" and he says "just because".....here's where trouble started....

we walk downstairs and are waiting, hugging...and he kisses me....I mean jeez...I know better....and when the cab showed up he says "just send it away, I'll stay a little longer, I won't stay over"...and I say "no, go home".....and he says "ok".....sigh.

So....what's a girl to do?

1. I promised I myself and him that I would walk away from him if he ever hit on me again
2. then I wondered if he really was just a cheating jerk (I don't think so)
3. we had such a good talk at the bar....I mean I admitted the one thing to him that I had reall been bothered by....I told him about Jesse and why I felt bad about it.....
4. superD thinks I'm a lush
5. Timbuctoo is clearly lying to wifey so he can hang out with me, but if he didn't then I'd NEVEr see him

Grr.....we talked the next day and decided we would make a point of not being alone together but what a predicament...I mean he's half happy with wifey, but can't decide between security and finding real happiness...sigh...I don't want to be in the middle.

I feel fine, oddly enough. I care about him enough to want him to be happy, whatever he decides, and do feel I can just be friends with him, but I'm scared for him. If he decides to leave wifey, will he want to be with me? What will happen to his life if he does? Their shared friends? Their house? So many things....I am so inclined to tell him to take the easy route and stay with her, because I am almost positive I would....but I know that's really not the right thing to do either....I don't envy him.....

oh dear me

ha. Bad camel. To be continued....

deadly web

So. Today was interesting. I finally talked to my lab mates about their hate on for Ms. Movies, and I have to say that I really couldn't disagree with their reasons...it just seems like they never got to know her as a person and are just reacting to her inability to do research properly. I hadn't noticed this too much, though I did a bit..I just didn't really think about it, but it's true. Ms. Movies is a super person but has no clue about research...and she doesn't really do anything to help herself...she reacts rather than anticipates. It's true this is only partially her fault....she hasn't properly had a supervisor to guide her, but it does make things make a bit more sense. Anyway, I felt super guilty for saying bad things about Ms. Movies especially since I really liker her and value our friendship. But let's face it...there are some things about her that drive me bonkers. And lo and behold these feelings were shared...still a less public arena would have been a better idea...especially given the labmates' penchance for gossip...but oh well, Ms. Movies seems pretty set in her decision to leave at the end of her masters so it should all be fine. That said I'm not thrilled about going behind her back to have research meetings with the lab mates. But unfortunately, this is necessary for my own career. I need to be respected by my peers, I need to have these discussions and I need to not spend that time mediating amongst factions...so that's that.

Other thoughts...apparently Ms. Movies said some fairly inappropriate (dumb? I dunno...) things at the conference...which only added to the labmates not wanting to hang with us. Which immediately led to me saying "dear God! you'd tell me if I did that, right?" Ha. I only half believe them when they say that "no, no one said you said anything dumb"...especially given the amount of looking back and forth they did in responding....hard to say...but in the end, I know that people will see that I'm competent...I just have to get over the shyness I felt last year...although that was partially a product of feeling like I had to tote Ms. Movies around and partially me being intimidated by the presence of greatness....hard to say...hard to say. But I do know that I'm really starting to feel interested, challenged and knowledgeable, so I guess things will work out.

Co-supervisor told me something that another research told him....John McNamara, someone whose research I remember reading during my honors degree because it was very cross-disciplinary, quite like my own interests. He said that McNamara had knowledge in two areas: philosopy and psychology. To psychologists he talked about philosophy, to philosophers he talked about science...and I believe this is where I hope to be...social and cognitive....

Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Actually, this post has nothing to do with hybrid species or bunnies at all...but that movie listing keeps popping up on my shiny new Google home page......what a great service. Seriously wicked...though still not perfect...but great. Basically you get a custom Google search/homepage with a bunch of feeds you get to select, such as your gmail, weather for whatever cities you want, word of the day, quote of the day, movie listings, espn...whatever. It's really quite neat.

The flaws:

1. it consistently gives temperature in farenheit with no option to change to celsius....the "current" temperature is in both but forecasted temperatures are not. Boo.
2. You can't customize which links appear above the Google search box....which I would LOVE for them to allow...I mean I NEVER use the "local" link or the "froogle" link, but I would love to have quick access to the "scholars" page or the "directory" page...

All in all though I give it a thumbs up.

Yom Kippur

So incidentally, as Tom was atoning me for my sins of boozing, others including SuperD were also being atoned for their sins as Yom Kippur wrapped up today. This is all I know about that fact as SuperD informed me in response to the phone message I left him inviting him out for a beer...apparently we're gonna get together some time next week...should be fun.

In other news, I finally chatted with my co-supervisor about my scholarship proposal and he was great about it...well, he gave me a pep talk about how I was good student and that I'll get one unless they are idiots which they can be occasionally...it was very nice of him to do. Then he talked me through how I needed to present things and I felt better. It was funny cuz he says to me that everything he said he got from my proposal...but everything just sounded so much better when he described it...I guess that's what happens when you've been writing that long...things make sense and you can format them easily...

So anyway, I'm feeling much better about that. But I'm feeling quite ill at ease about a talk I had with my lab mates today...I know they bug me about this specifically cuz they know it drives me bonkers but I think they believe it too. They keep saying that I am gonna do my PhD with co-supervisor only...even though I came here to work with supervisor. It's true that I co-supervisor is absolutely great, but his area of research is COMPLETELY unrelated to mine. He fits in mostly because he is in charge of the center that has the equipment I need. In fact, it's pretty damn nice of co-supervisor to co-supervise me at all. I mean he's intersted in my work on some levels, but there's no way I could do this without supervisor....sigh...I'm just worried supervisor won't want me to be his student anymore which will make me very sad.

What else, well, it was a day of massive aggravation as the lab mates continue to be ultra-catty about Ms. Movies...totally unecessarily....and I continue to be in the middle as friends of both....and given Ms. Movies' annoying penchance for saying "oooooohhhhh"...to everything like you have just explained string theory, I'm feeling a little annoyed with everyone.

What else? Been listening to Chris Isaak and feeling mellow instead of depressed...good sign I think.

Oh, and I'm not totally off my budget. Hooray!!! Despite the fact that I think I need to write roomie a new checque for September's rent...I think I actually managed NOT to spend that money.....wee!...sadly I believe my fiscal responsibility is a product of being to caught up in work to do anything....but hey, I'll take what I can get.

Oh Ya! I am HOPEFULLY gonna get an insulin pump. No more needles...fingers crossed that it is covered by my health plan like my doctor thought it was.

Candy to my soul

Today was a good day. It didn't feel bad. I didn't really work on the things that are at the top of my priority list, but I did work on other things...accomplished other things. And it felt so good.

I dunno, the loneliness just went away for a while and it feels good....

There are just so many things in this world to feel bad about....sometimes I can't believe I ever feel good...but I do. I do.

I must remember to tell my mom I love her. It's gotten hard to do. I used to say it so easily and now it sits in my throat, trapped. I hate that. She needs to hear it. She needs to know that I love her and that I don't just think she's a failure...that I love her anyway and it doesn't matter...I'll always love her endlessly....but it just doesn't come...and I wonder who I'm becoming.

and yet

I'd rather feel sad and think about it than distract myself with something boring...I just NEED to FEEL.

drain my soul

I think and think and think...and today I think things will get better.

I still fight with myself over whether I can think about, read about, sing along about Cody, but thankfully time CAN be a causal agent in some cases...I'm getting there...I am.

Smiley and I talked last night. It's funny how I couldn't be honest with him about why I'm so depressed...I mean I was, I just left out the Cody bit....but discussing other things was helpful...

I realized today that I have begun considering time not spent working when I have work to do a waste. And so even when I can't concentrate I'm sitting in front of my computer....trying to think....biting my nails....feeling frustrated and alone and bored....

And that's the rub. I'm bored. It's not Cody. It's me. He was like a little flame that went out too quick. Since my world has become my research I have no passion...and combined with getting no excercise, I'm pretty much a walking automaton....oh ya...and since boozing is the only thing I do that is at all exciting...which is higly dangerous...I mean really...I'm bored, booze makes things less boring, I do stupid things, I feel bad later....sounds like a bad idea....sigh.

I just want to be happy to go home again.

Ridiculous Fact #15

Peas from a can are always that ugly pea green but fresh and frozen peas are always a pretty emerald color.

solved

Phew...so due to my inability to understand dates, the mysterious blog reader was clearly me. Thank goodness...

Today was a mildly annoying day. I didn't manage to put together an super-duper-ultra-terriffic scholarship "plan of study" as I had hoped...nor did I finish my paper, but I have, near the conclusin of the day, made serious progress in both these regards.

I talked to Mr. Burns today. I needed his advice about what kind of wine to buy as I wandered lost among the shelves of the liquor store. God I miss my liquor store back home..I knew exactly where everything I wanted was...sigh. Anyway, he talked me down from the ledge and I left with a very cheap merlot and a very cheap shiraz cabernet. Plus some vanilla vodka....yummy, wimpy vodka....

Then I went to Junior's for Turkey Weekend dinner and football...which was fun...I clearly did NOT need to eat three pieces of pie (two pecan, one pumpkin)...but hey, who's counting...

I also bonded with the newest addition to our household...a pretty kitty that roomie allowed herself to get talked into taking home. She was so nervous I'd be upset about it...and nervous that she and the cat won't get along, but so far as I can tell this cat rocks. She pretty much never makes any noise, is declawed and currently sheds minimally. We bonded today and she nuzzled up in my neck. It was great. I love fuzzy animals. I'm gonna be sad when roomie and I part ways and the cat doesn't live with me...not that I can afford to take care of animal....nor do I have the mental capacity to handle the tragedy of losing a pet....

Security Breech?

Hmmm....I have some suspicion that someone I know is reading this blog. Someone who knows me by a name other than camel, someone other than *~$&!~* or Tom.....

I don't want to pull this blog down, but I will. Fess up or stop visiting. Non-negotiable. These thoughts are not for you to see. If they were, you would be hearing them from me.

Possibly I am wrong and no one I know is looking at this blog...which is of course the best-case scenario, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see..

today

Hmmmm...survived just fine thank you very much....I worked on my paper this morning, had breakfast with Smiley and SuperNerd, drafted a scholarship app this afternoon, did laundry, went to a movie...generally a reasonably good Saturday.

The movie was "Flight Plan"....very enjoyable...that's all I'm gonna say.

Last night blew, as anyone reading my blog knows...literally I kept waking up and rolling around and urg. Yuck. No more of that....I have taken my life into my hands and imposed a music ban on my mp3 player....only CDs purchased or burned prior to 2002 are acceptable listening material....

Happy Turkey Weekend!

obviously I'm pathetic.

So today. I am thinking that there must be something messed up with me....it's not like I'm unhappy...it's not like my life sucks...but I can't stop thinking about this...well...I just don't want to.

So I was working in a coffee shop and I watched him walk with his coffee and he looked so happy...and I couldn't help but wonder why I am letting another person make me unhappy...and it's not even him ...it's me.

What if I die here?

I don't want to stop thinking about it...but I know I should;.....I don't know what to do....I clearly am happy to be miserable....or too miserable to be happy....

I am clearly confused...I know that the difference between moving on and being pathetic is how disciplined I am wiht myself...even a little would end this....but here I am....and I obviously don't care to....

What is this...what's happening here?

"How many heartaches must I stand, before I find a love to let me live again...right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on...when I feel my strength, it's almost gone...."

I don't know...I hate this...I hate that it's all I think about...that I know better...that I'm better than this...everyone knows it....do I like the misery?

tired...but getting there

I'm so tired....it's been a long day...a two hour drive to a 15-minute doctors appointment....which involved pretty much a "hey, how're things going?" and three measurements of my blood pressure. Sheesh.

It's worth it, it's a study, and science is good, but what a pain. Thankfully also on the list was a visit to a science museum which was totally fun. And I learned about what Junior and Blondie do....totally cool.

I also managed to make some real progress on my paper. Stay tuned, it may be finished this weekend!

And lastly, I've yet again decided that I am simply using my memory of Cody to keep me occupied. But thinking about that fateful msn conversation, I'm starting to wonder if maybe the reason he hasn't been out on a Wednesday in so long is because he thinks I don't want him there...I mean I pretty much ignored him the time he did come out, post-msn-shoot-down....but I'm probably just over-analysing...I think it's a safe bet to assume he's not thinking about me at all....yes, despite the beautiful art I have posted of us, that is the best bet.

To bed!

Ouch

Today, walking to school, there was a used needle next to a garbage bag.

I didn't put it somewhere else so that no kids would touch it because I didn't think it would be safe for me to touch it....badness.

Tunnel vision

Wow...that was a sloppy Wednesday night if there ever was one...it's rather concerning how my brain works at 1am.....suffice to say I don't think I'm quite so insane as I might sound...at least I hope not...

scarred upon my soul

So the new lyrics...

..so much to say.....

Lost for you I'm so lost for you ...

- Crash by Dave Matthews

I hate this song. He thought of her with this one and will never think of me this way, I'm sure....

I thought it was just a matter of time
Till I had a hundred reasons
Not to think about you
But it's just not so
And after all this time
I still can't let go
I've still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory baby
I've got your kiss
Still burning on my lips

- Painted on my Heart by The Cult

Does this make you my obsession? Does it count if I want you to be...if I choose for you to be? Do I really want you this bad? Or am I just bored...

in the interests of scientific obscurity

Two things really: first....pictures....I haven't put one up in a while....so here's one of Cody and me:

And incidentally, I finally managed to get a copy Dave Matthew's Crash....ahh....

Alright...too much about one person. Time to move on.....I may take this down later...I've shown and said far too much...I'm getting reckless in my old age...

wups

How transparent am I. I wonder. Does Cody know all the hints I leave for him? I'm not sure which I hope for.

I want to think about something else. I want to finish my paper.

I was made for loving you baby....

Ah....give me ONE DAY of quiet and I gotta cause trouble...

Today my fancy was struck my the desire to chat with Cody. So I did. And it was just as fun as it always was. It was brief, but made me happy. I think I need to just accept that crushing on this guy is my interim-strategy ....interim to a "real" prospect, anyway....

It's funny how the word "bugaboo" could say so much...

Ah...I'm such a nut...

Ridiculous Fact #14

I am already sleeping with a sheet, a velux blanket, two afghans and a light quilt.

Life for rent

Oh ya, I almost forgot. I'm officially homeless as of December 1.

Far from being depressed, I'm sorta excited that I'll be able to look for a house to house a punching bag. Oh boy!

Also, I'm right on my budget this month (I think) which makes me feel extremely happy.

Now, if I could just finish that pesky paper....

Hurray for msn

Stripper J is back! Yay!

Stripper J is one of my friends from back home. We only started hanging out the last semester I was there, and we both agreed that we shoulda been friends far earlier. She's just like me...a super (ok, high school super) athlete, intellectual overachiever, likes to party hard, and has been known to make a dumb decision or two despite overall being a pretty principled person.

Makes me happy to know I can keep in touch with her. :)

no title known

it's been quite a weekend. I was literally too busy to blog. I was also too busy to respond to the NUMEROUS msns from my brother and sister who were having trouble with their mp3 player. I'm feeling a small amount of guilt for totally ignoring them, but I just didn't have the time.

On the other hand, I managed to find time to respond to the msns of the cute new grad student...clearly justifiable, if only a pipe fantasy.

The reason I was so busy was that I was writing a conference proposal. Just for the fun of it my supervisor's email was down so I couldn't get ANY comments from him. Which was extra fun since he had signed off on my original proposal which was TERRIBLE. I can't believe he didn't think so....I rewrote it and gave it to my co-supervisor, who was the only person to actually say it had any issues. Thank goodness for him. I hate when people are just like, "ya, this is great"....chances are it's not. MissMovies also gave me some worthwhile feedback...not that other people didn't give me good feedback but I expected my supervisor to actually read it critically...I mean it makes him look bad if my proposal is crap, right? Well, whatever, it's done...and hopefully he doesn't flip about how different it is.

What else, Roomie sorta walked in on me blogging this morning..hopefully she didn't look too carefully at my screen. I tried to be nonchalant, but given my recent preoccupation with school, I've noticed my ability to be ...inconspicuous has faltered somewhat...purely due to lack of interest, really.

What else...well, in the absence of remorse about SuperD, I'm still pondering Cody...really out of habit probably, since I'm slowly starting to see him less fondly in my minds eye...slowly, mind you...but here's some lyrics for him anyway.

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

- Sand in my Shoes by Dido