Debaucherous Weekend Part 3

The think I like best about my blog is how it exposes the concentration of my mind. There are so many things on my mind, but when I write, what I'm really worried about becomes so much more obvious. Like Mr. M....I am concerned, but don't really care right now...and Cody...I feel like it'll work out so why worry...but the person who I can't stop talking about is Timbuctoo...cuz he's by far the coolest person ever. Darn it. Lot's of other amusing things happened this weekend...like me funnelling beer and forgetting to close my mouth...resulting in me spraying beer all over myself. And describing what roasting a pig on a spit looks like...kinda gross really...prongs in it's bum...skin all black...fire intensely hot. And the ball tourney...me having to track a ball and catch it while playing rover...which was cool..and me wanting to hit so bad that I hit nothing but annoying little grounders...and the guy who hit out of the park almost every at-bat...and the annoying girl who didn't shut up for like a half-hour yelling at him from the stands...and wrestling on our manager's bed (me, Armette, Timbuctoo) and Timbuctoo throwing me off so I almost hit my head on a bedside table which would have been certain death...honestly...so dumb I am.

Debaucherous Weekend Part 2

Saturday...I'm so nervous I could puke...and then Timbuctoo drops the bomb that we only get two strikes in this tourney and I feel worse...and I'm tired...and I'm nervous about being with Timbuctoo's team and screwing up...and I'm still semi-nervous about Timbuctoo...agh...

Saturday post-game....we won...I shower and dress and look amazingly hot cuz I've matched my makeupt to my scarf in two shades and to my shirt. Hot. Not that Timbuctoo would care what I looked like...

Anyway, off we go to a pig roast, with Armette. It was aggravating to realize how much I preferred his company...but I easily pulled myself away by realizing that's how most of the girls at the party were acting and that I was not one of them...it's not like he's so stunningly hot, though I will say he looked very fine in jeans...rounds out this shoulders...and the sandals just look so relaxed-sexy...ugh. I wish I wasn't so attracted to this guy. It kills me.

So anyway, I did also get drunk via the pig-roast, though to my credit it was much more slowly...starting at 5:30pm and ending at 3:30am. I am certain that I said more than a little too much about Timbuctoo's behavior towards me....like saying he shouldn't be holding other girls' hands...he probably didn't want that shared at the party. And I do remember sitting next to him on the stairs and having a conversation with this total loser in which he asked if we were together...to which there was a quick "no" from me...though I wasn't disdainful, which is good for me cuz I tend to overcompensate...Anwyay, the loser just said from the way we behaved or acted with each other or something, we seemed like we were. Which is a good warning to hear. Cuz that means I'm flirting too much...or that he does have feelings for me.

When I was blogging on Friday night I was sure that he had somehow professed some sort of feelings for me, but I am not so sure now. It might have all been in my head...hard to say.

But at that point, I tried to keep it down a notch...and I do remember Timbuctoo saying "we shouldn't be talking about this with this guy" and I replied "we shouldn't be talking about this at all", which sounds kinda ominous. I'm a little concerned that I'm missing out on conversations cuz I'm loaded. Not good.

Oh, and I didn't bite anyone last night. Good for me. Unfortunately, Timbuctoo's arm is actually still sore from where I bit him Friday. Sorry, Timbuctoo.

As I tried to down it a notch, Armette hit her stride and was hitting on Timbuctoo pretty hard (though, she is engaged so no one is really worried...she was more like flirting, but that often included talking about how great her fiance is)...which was sorta fine....it took attention off me, though I have to say that I was much happier when I was touching Timbuctoo and at one point was laying on the carpet (we were all sitting on it) sorta with my arms around his knees. NBut that may just have something to do with me needing a man.

Actually, come to think of it. Last Sunday, as we were leaving the bar, he stopped to chat with some friends and I was cold and asked him to put his arms around me...so he was standing behind me with his arms around me and it was the greatest thing ever. sigh. Bad camel. But it's true. Cuz he was not doing it in a take-advantage or a bad-boyfriend kinda way. Bah. Good for him. There's some things I don't like about Timbuctoo but there are so many things I do like.

And in my defense, I remember the first day I saw him. He had the same cleats as me..it was at our first ball practice...and I could tell he was saucy and athletic and I was already very attracted to him...but I think I found out pretty early that he had a girlfriend plus I didn't want to be hitting on anyone when I was just joining the team.

But you know, it's like Smiley says...sometimes people have chemistry. And Timbuctoo and I have great chemistry. He happens to be attached, so that's that. But really, I needen't feel bad about it, I guess. Although I wonder whether I'd find him as attractive if he wasn't unavailable. I mean he's witty. And smart. And athletic...actually I think one of the reason's I find him so attractive is cuz he IS so athletic and he seems to think I am such a good athlete....it's flattering to be thought of highly by someone you think highly of...ya know? Anyway, I look at him sometimes and think that he'd make a great husband...but that he really isn't all that physically attractive..but he's so DAMN attractive on EVERY OTHER LEVEL...I don't know....I'm just thiking aloud.

Debaucherous Weekend Part 1

Ok, honestly this blog has NOT turned into a showcase for all my intoxicated escapades...but I gotta share, I just gotta.

What a week. Let me put it in perspective....Saturday morning....I wake up at 6:30am with a pounding headache and dyng of thirst. I'm pretty sure this had to do the Gatorade Timbuctoo insisted I drink before bed. Speaking of which...I joined the party at the campus pub at 6pm on Friday and was pretty spun after two beers...the problem with drinking with these guys is that I'm having fun so I don't really censor how much I drink...with the result that I was pretty much blind drunk by the time we left for pub number 2. We got there and it's a bit of a blur...I was biting my lab mate's x...with no interet in him at all, tho I found out later I made the girl who was interested in him quite jealous...ooops...anyway, that's the highlight of that. Importantly, we all decided to leave and started walking towards I don't know where, but I-don't-know-where is in the same direction as my house, so apparently I decided to go home. It was the good move on my part cuz I was wasted. It's kinda pathetic.

Anyway, the next thing I remember really well is arguing with Timbuctoo about coming home with me...but I could see everyone else was well beyond us, so he'd pretty much lost the group anyway. Darn it-ish. So walking home with me, I was really adamant that he coudln't touch me or hold my hand. I don't rember if he was trying to or not, but I definitely remember insisting he couldn't....which probably means I was blunt and probably a bit rude. Getting back to my house, I'm pretty sure I was rude cuz he said sorta with angry resignation that there were some mix music cds he made me along with returning the DVD's he burned....that stung. My hangups shouldn't be played out on him...really. I was reacting to how badly I wanted to kiss him....projecting Freud would say.

Anyway, I went to bed and woke up at 6am...and tried to sleep until Timbuctoo finally arose...we chatted amicably...then eventually he caught a cab home and said he'd be by in a few hours...

A few hours we were on the way to the game and he casually asks that we don't tell anyone he stayed over again cuz it's probably a bad idea...the little voice in my head is saying "this is bad news" but the realist in me wholeheartedly agrees with Timbuctoo and so I agree and he comes up with the exact same story I had already come up with...so I figure things are good.

Phew...ok, I'll tell you all about Saturday soon enuf.

Victorious!

Self control begins at home. Hurray for me.

Help Tom!

Ok, just so we're clear...despite my best efforts at diversion, Timbuctoo is here. And he won't let me pretend I'm not interested. No he's not being forceful or anything scary. But he is here. And he is clearly here for a reason. I'm trying Tom. Forgive me if I fail.

Camel.

oh give me a home....

whew...the world feels like its spinning faster than normal. Time is going by too fast...how does that happen? I finally had a night of hanging out with Pop, it's been sooo long. And it was just like it always is. He's a great friend. Listened, actually listened, to me list my insecurities and told me why I should chill out. I sincerely hope I didn't hurt him by telling him that the girl he's been dating might be crazy.....I hope he kinda picked up on already...I really truly just wanted to warn him...sigh...that's what I get for telling him while I'm drunk....

Anyway, lots of things on my mind:
-guilt that I haven't phoned Mr. M yet...I just can't seem to get going on it
-guilt for spending WAY too much money. Too much booze. Too many toys and books
-guilt for flirting with boys I can't have
-frustration at not being able to stop biting my nails
-guilt for not working on my thesis project enuf

I guess that about sums it up. I got an email from Timbuctoo, totally casually mentioning he'd be out on Friday night, should I be going too and saying that his ball team might need girls this weekend if I'm interested. I was shamefully thrilled to hear from him and may have checked my email for the rest of the day hoping to get a reply to my reply. I'm such a loser. On the bright side I've convinced myself quite successfully that I would never date him. Which is good. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I've got the physical me under much better control than I used to. Score a point for me.

Last night was touch and go though. There was a point when Cody left the table and I sorta followed him so that I could "chat" with him alone...kinda hoping he'd make a move on me. Good thing he was drunker than me - he probably doesn't remember. Sometimes I just can't believe that people don't come up to me the next day and ask me what the hell I was doing. In my mind, I was totally all over him. But maybe it wasn't so bad. Same with Timbuctoo....

I think I was fine with Cody until I got really drunk...on the third macho Corona (HUGE)....at which point everyone was a little intoxicated so maybe their powers of observation also failed...but it was really only then that I stopped talking to everyone else...and then someone suggested pool at which point I just kept standing next to him so he could stroke my back (blissful) ....although now that I think about it, I'm sure I was grabbing his leg at some point....well anyway, he was my pool partner so maybe that's acceptable behavior. Ha.

Ah well, maybe he's into me, maybe he's not...maybe I'm not into him...hard to say...but I'll say this...if this week has shown me anything, it's that I've missed gentle touches. It sure is nice to have someone put their arms on your shoulders or to touch your back.

I don't think Mr. M is capable of that. He's not rough or anything but he's not ....loving...and perhaps that's why I'm not missing him...maybe because I felt like his desire for me was purely physical...hmmm....

Well, I'm going to bed without doing my homework. Wish me luck getting up early to do it.

the camel and the corona

Perhaps I'm feeling dissatisfied with the current state of things, I'm not sure...but I got drunk last night again...not by myself alone, I know what you're thinking...but out with some friends. And I had a really, really good time. I may have been paying a little too much attention to Cody and he may have been paying it back, but that's sort of a mixed blessing.

Anyway, it was a grand time...we were all drinking these massive coronas....retardedly big....and somehow there was sort of an implicit race not be the last done...and we were all drunk much faster than we expected, weird....we went to this cutesy country-esque bar that gives out free chips and salsa and sat on the patio until it was too cold and then closed the bar around 2:30...

I think I gave up on pretending I wasn't interested in Cody around the time that we started talking programming...that always gets me.

Soooo.....he's really smart and cute. And I think he likes me. So now I just need him to realize it, ask roomie if he can date me, and then ask me out.

spin it one more time

So when I'm REALLY feeling blah I think of this song, and it occurred to me that I've never checked the lyrics to see if I've got them wrong...so I went looking and found MAYBE two sites with the lyrics to this song...and they're probably a bit off...It's one of the coolest ever, but apparently is a serious hidden treasure...so fellow bloggers, I present my world philosophy:

"One car in an alley is better than a vacant lot."

and a more complete form, the entire song:

- Too Much of a Good Thing by The Sons (featuring Bret Reilly) From the "Dumb and Dumber" Soundtrack

There's a chill in the air comin' off the river tonight,
Sure am glad I chose my sweater,
Walk alone, I walk alone tonight,
Yeah, I've felt better.
But I know in my heart,
One car in an alley is better than a vacant lot,
And you'll see on my face,
Lines on a young man can find their place.

Baby, I have left so much behind,
Until I passed the same place twice
Now I see just what ya done to me,
Too much of a good thing.
Too much of a good thing.

Can you hold the line,
another call's comin' in,
Might be the one I just got over,
Back and forth and up again,
For just a wrong number.
But to scream a good cry,
Could leave me naked in some stranger's eyes,
So I'll whisper, a little cry,
Hope this memory'll soon pass by. Ooh.

Baby, I got feelin's old and strong,
I did not think they'll last this long,
Tell me why your light keeps turnin' on,
I say too much of a good thing.
Too much of a good thing.

A lonely voice finds little demand,
Too proud to take a stand

For one last time can't you listen to me,
Too muchToo much
You're too much of a good thing,
You're too much of a good thing, too much
Much too, much too, much too, much too, much too, much too, much too much,
You're too much of a good thing.

Inescapable me-dom

It's one of those days where I just don't do anything...I appear to do things all day but I meet no goals, break some resolutions, and generally just generally feel half-alive.

These don't happen too often, thankfully, and today didn't start out as one of those days...I woke up with a happy blood sugar at a happy hour after a happy rest....and then proceeded to feel restless for the rest of the day. Cursed day.

It's been a while since I felt any music...but LaunchCast had this to play and it fit my brain:

How could you show me that life's worth living
I'll never live it with you
And every time there's a gift worth giving
You won't let me give it to you

- Found Another Way by Thornley

This fits with my general feeling of wrongness about things today...I mean I've experienced so many things that I think lots of people would feel priveleged to have got to do or say they experienced...and I've been alive long enough to know that I'm not average...though saying so bites angrily at my modesty so that I hide from compliments alot...but what is that I am?

My life is happening and I feel like I'm watching it on TV. And I hate TV! I feel so unparticipatory. I'm too scared to do the things I must and I've done my best to burn the map to places I like to be....I guess that when something catches my passion I get so caught up in excelling at it that I forget to check and see if it is all it's cracked up to be.

Sigh...I just want to be finished grading, finished programming, finished filming, finished learning Lebanese so I can sit down and think about something I want to worry about.

ok, let's try this one more time with feeling

I'm too spent to do any work so I'm gonna sit around and write all day instead, apparently...

So when we last heard from our heroine she was mildly befuzzled because she was enjoying hanging out with a coupled thirty-something. Reflections: he seemed completely unconcerned about having stayed at my house, wandering into roomie's bedroom and sitting on the bed next to me...ok, so that's good. On the other hand, he asked for a hug when he left...which I gave him without actually looking at his eyes....probably a bad sign for me....I'm about as smooth as my right knee...

Incidentally my right knee got scraped as I attempted to stab-stop a ball gunning over second base....I missed, skinned my knee because my slider rolled down and probably pulled some groin muscles. Damn it...

Ok, I'm tired of worrying about Timbuctoo. So I'm not gonna...ok, I'm gonna feel a little nervous about whether it's cool that our team knows he stayed at my house...ok, I'm gonna feel nervous about Armette and BlondA...my lab and teammates. Sigh.

I guess the real issue here is that if he were MY boyfriend and I was away, I'd want him to feel comfortable going out but I wouldn't be happy if he were holding hands with other girls. I guess since I've met Junior's girlfriend I don't feel concerned that she'd be jealous I'm hanging out with him, but I've not met Timbuctoo's girl...and I definitely feel like I'm in intruding on her territory. ..ok, I lied...I do feel guilty...On the brightside, life's not boring.

homeruns and pitchers

Seriously, that about sums it up. What a weekend! Tom, you'll be happy to know that I got HAMMERED Saturday AND Sunday and am almost completely guilt-free.

Saturday we played three games starting at 8:30am....yech! and we played CRAPPY....we ended the day 0-2-1...sick. So we all went to the managers for a BBQ and debauchery...and of course played two rounds of the worlds craziest drinking game, Kings....which includes in our version a card called "dirty alphabet"....where you must say, of course, a dirty word for each letter of the alphabet...great fun. So we started drinking around 5:30 and hit a bar at 1:00....making it home around 2:30, I think.....and was up at 7am cuz we had another game at 8:30...eich!

I managed to make an utter fool of myself as per usual.....the party began with like 20 people but only four of us made it to the bar....me, a girl in my lab & on our team (armette), junior (a superstar on our ball team who is tiny), and Timbuctoo (the SUPERSTAR on our team and soon to be the topic of many a worried post I'm sure)....

Anyway, Timbuctoo and I get along great cuz he's an athlete extraordinary and mouthy as all hell..as well as around 30 so he's into the same music as me. Anyway, at some point I was freezing and insisted on someone putttin there arms around me to warm me up for a bit...so armette is out obviously...and I insisted on NOT letting Timbuctoo cuz in actuality I didn't really want to push the chemistry by adding any physical touching...but since I was hammered I managed to give the excuse that I didn't trust him...oops. Anyway, I think we had a discussion where I back-pedaled and tried to come up with a more convincing and less insulting excuse but failed...eventually when he and I were out of earshot from armette and Junior I admitted that I didn't trust ME around him....and this went over ok...tho I could tell that he wasn't impressed by my inability to come up with a better (less insulting) cover excuse....which is fine cuz we really do have great chemistry and he has a girlfriend. But no harm no fowl....

Which brings us to Sunday, where we played four games and I was so dead by the end of it I could hardly walk. We lost in the consolation final which sucks but we had nothing to give in it so whatever....I didn't care much...i just wanted to sit down and have a beer and eat....I don't get hung over, just tired, btw....

Anyway, so we sat at the school pub, about 10 of us, and had a few pitchers until about 8pm when they kicked us out, I think and then everyone pretty much wanted to go home...oddly enuf I just wanted to drink more....and since my ball stuff was in Timbuctoo's car, we decided to hit another pub...and put down two and a half pitchers...

It was a little wierd tho cuz he didn't mention his girlfriend once...though some friends of there's came in and he eventually felt obligated to chat with them...tho I got the impression that he didn't exactly want to...and did tell them I was a lesbian (which I'm not)....which makes me think he was a little worried about what they'd tell his girlfriend....but I gave him some time with them and called my best friend who was also getting drunk (YAY! she doesn't do that enuf) and then went over.....I never have any trouble joining a table...but boy was Timbuctoo impressed that I just joined in....

In fact, he always has nothing but compliments for me. ..which is nice to hear but I have a hard time with them...and I don't give them out that often....I'm really subtle with them too....lots of people get really impressed the first times they hang out with me, which is really nice, but also makes me self-conscious...Anyway....back o the story....

Amusingly enuf, these people kinda knew me-ish...cuz Smiley is their neighbor and left his keys with them for me to pick up cuz i'm checking on his place while he is in Scotland....what weird coincidence...they figured out who I was cuz Timbuctoo told them my name and that I was playing ball this weekend and they figured there couldn't possibly be anyone else with my name playing ball this weekend...which I'm sure is true cuz my name isn't exactly common.

Anyway, I just couldn't finish the third pitcher.... I was at that bad hammered stage again...where I'm just on the edge of being bad, tho I was in no way worried I was gonna hit on Timbuctoo...I just wasn't sure how I'd react if he hit on me but thankfully he didn't....though we were holdign hands again on the way to my house. Obviously he was staying at my place cuz he shouldn't even have driven to the second pub...my mistake, I will NEVER let that happen again...

Anyway, I made him take my bed and I slept on my couch...and I woke up again at 7am....nuts....and roomie gave me her bed around 8:00am...and then he woke up around 8:30 so that was that....we hung out and watched a movie...and then went and got his car...what a weekend. Nuts.

Oh, and I hit a home run on Saturday.

a mildly content camel

So my room is clean, my laundry is done, there is a full moon and Mr. M now has an msn and is learning English. And my To Do list has at least a few things crossed out.

All in all a reasonably good day. I must confess tho I really want to stay up all night and read Harry Potter...sadly my first game is at 8:30am so I REALLY shouldn't.

Had the most WONDERFUL red curry, rice and bamboo shoot dinner! Yum...and the company included a rather fun young man I mentioned before, but wish not to be interested in (not Cody)...anyway, it's nice to be around sexy people...ever notice that?

That was boring...

....I would have shared all that info in my last post with my friends...so why blog? Here's some dirt:

I was walking down the street with Smiley the other day and we saw Corey. I still am dying to date him. He and his pal saw us first and said hi and I'm sure that my face lit up when I saw him...I could feel it. Hmm....

Mr. M has been phoning alot which is not good...cuz it's so expensive and I'm finding it tiring rather than enjoyable...cuz I can't respond with the right words fast enuf. And it's taking the joy out of my life worrying about it. I finally got a book that I will be able to learn a bit more language out of so maybe that's good....but I can't shake the feeling that I just don't care to "talk"...I'd love to email...but I don't think he's keen on that. He wanted me to phone today and I really was dreading it...because he wanted me to call his parents' house. I did but got a busy signal and felt relieved - and guilty. Me and that guilt...I tried to call his cell too, but I got a busy signal again and gave up after the second try.

Today...

It's startling how little time there is in a day when it's hot. I am having sooo much trouble doing stuff it makes me ill...and the list is soooo long.

I thought up another thing I want to do before I die:
- Earn my black belt in Tae Kwon Do

I have a yellow belt (the first one) and I like doing it...I just never take the time to go to classes....but I'm making it official now.

What else....oh, the slide show went pretty good....it was a waffle dinner and slideshow...with our pal, skinny D making the waffles with his snazzy waffle iron. The man is an awesome cook. Yum! We brought toppings (me: sour cream, peaches, syrup - try it), and stuffing ensued.

Then the slide show. In the end I didn't put in music but they made fun of me cuz I was gonna...but I figured it would be annoying since I was gonna be talking through the whole thing...plus in the end I made a PowerPoint show instead of a movie which would have been way harder to add music too....but I'm sad cuz it woulda been cool.

Anyway, it went well, but people were losing it at the end...too many pics or too many stories...not super sure...Roomie says I should clump multiple pics with stories so they can see a few things per story....she should know cuz she travels a ton...but all in all I was happy with the reception.

Also, I forgot to mention that I read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in six hours a few days ago. I started at 12:15 am and took a break from 4:30am to 10am to sleep...finishing at noon....it was good. Maybe a bit long, but definitely not boring...kinda like watching a tv show on DVD...really don't want to stop but wish you could get to the end some times....speaking of which last night me and Smiley finished the final three episodes of Season 3 of 24....I thought we had a whole other disc! Yeesh we coulda finished it ages ago! Anyway, it was great. The only thing I'll say is that pretty much everyone got screwed in some way.

Looking forward to debauchery and four-pitch this weekend...

Another Lebanon story in case you're interested

I figure slowly but surely I will tell you all my sordid stories....this is about how I hooked up with Mr. M. ...these stories are not travellog worthy so if I don't tell them here they will be lost forever...so they get priority....

So it was only like a few days we had been in Lebanon, staying at Mr. M and his parent's place, when he started taking me and my sister out every evening. Not really anywhere in particular, just out driving around the village or to the nearby town for ice cream. But it was fun because it gave me a chance to act more like myself, and to try to communicate in arabic.

My dad of course immediately picked up on the fact that Mr. M was interested...said he looked at me a lot. So I told him (and I meant it at the time) that he needn't worry because nothing was going to happen. What he was worried about was people wanting to find a way to move to Canada. Anyway, he felt better after the talk, I could tell. And on my part, I knew that marriage was completely out of the question so it wasn't an issue. And given that people in Lebanon, or at least our village, don't date, I felt fine saying this. I was certainly not goign to marry someone before I got to know them.

This is really only relevant because my computer was going haywire....which meant that I went to Beirut with Mr. M one day, just the two of us. My dad was not thrilled about this, but since Mr. M works at a computer store it seemed to make sense to me as a plan. Anyway, the worst of all possible outcomes happened. WE WIPED MY COMPUTER AND DIDN'T BACK UP THE HARDDRIVE!!!! Devastating...thank God I backed up my files the night I left (though not my email I soon learned which caused havoc for the course I am TAing and grade records - but its all good now).

So we left for the day with Mr. M feeling terrible and me feeling a bit more terrible...and the good thing about feeling terrible is the intensity of it. So on the trip home from Beirut there was a good deal of, shall we say, electricity...all the psych classes I've taken tell me that I was just transfering the arousal of losing all my files to his presence, but that really takes the fun away from it. Add in a tablespoon of knowing I'm not allowed and bam! I was having a wonderfully dramatic time, if only in my head.

So there was lots of apologizing and don't worry-about-its...but that day was significant because I think we started to really notice the other was interested....and then a few days later I learned that Mr. M has been drinking unbeknownest to his family for 14 years...that changed things a bit too. Now we have someone worth kissing...

Don't get me wrong, I don't consider drinking a past-time necessary for romance, but I started to see that Mr. M was more like me and less like his other Lebanese counterparts...a little more like your North American 24-year old.

So we went to the coast one day and I had arak (kinda like sambuca, but drank with water and ice) and he had vodka coolers, and we had cake and nuts and watched the waves...and it was the best date I'd had in five years. And he didn't kiss me and I didn't kiss him...but we were definitely thinking about it.

A few days after that we were hanging out in the evening at his house and he walked me home...and there is this long road that passes in front of my house but is waaaay down the mountain from it...and that's where he kissed me...and we walked up and down that road for about three hours....misbehaving, or as my pal likes to call it, "shaming our families"....I'll always remember that road. It was perfect cuz it had almost no traffic and no houses near it to cast light.

It was great too because he just kissed me. In that masculine way where he sorta had his arm over my shoulders and then just turned me so I was facing him and kissed me. It wasn't the most amazing kiss ever, but it was good. And I didn't have a chance to say "I can't cuz I promised my dad" which is good cuz I'm not sure if I would have said it anyway...

So that's that...now I was definitely being naughty but was having WAAY more fun.

And I'm spent...

So I spent a good deal of the day shopping again. Oops...but I also worked on a slideshow of my trip pictures...which took oodles out of me...apparently I am making a slideshow which all my pals are gonna watch after eating waffles for dinner. Hmmm....we'll see how this goes...I'm not much of a story teller.....but I'm picking up Windows Movie Maker fast so maybe it won't be totally lame...AND I have a CD of lebanese music for the background...

oops

So it's been so long since I could blog I've gotten out of practice and forgot to write for THREE days. Damn. Ok, but I'm back on track, it's under control. And I have something to say too.

This is another nose story. Sorta. We had our last four-pitch game of the season two days ago and after each game we BBQ at our manager's house. Well, given that I haven't drank really since I got home, I was feeling pretty up for it. And boy can these guys drink so it promised to be a night of nights. And was. Cranium was excellent, and I learned that even drunk I am rockin smart :). But playing Kings was a bad, bad idea. Wow, let the wobbly pops roll.

Suddenly I am randomly wrestling over something, God knows what. And there may have been some singing of New Order tunes...oh my! And definitely randomly "deep" conversations. And you know that, "I'm drunk so I'm a little too flirtatious"-feeling....ya. Well, luckily for me one of the girls there was like "I'm leaving" and somehow I decided I was too cuz it could have been a rather silly night. Unfortunately this boy I was sorta paying too much attention to was also walking with us and I have to thank Big J because I'm sure that if she hadn't kept walking I'd have been making out with said boy. Which probably would not have been a great idea.

Although my guilt over doing nothing is sorta weird, I know.

Anyway, the nose comes in early in the night when I was only a little wobbly and knocked it out with my hand. I spent about an hour trying to get it back in and finally gave up and left it half in. Being only three days old it would have grown in FAST. So in the morning I tried again, and again, and again...and then gave up and called my piercer. Finally I went by his shop at like 3pm, hoping he'd be there since the self-consciousness of having my stud hanging half our was making me nuts (though my supervisor said it looked punk).

So he looks at it and looks worried and then trys to get it back in, can't. Trys removing it and putting it back in, can't. Spends a few minutes preparing me for pain becauuse he says that we will have to re-punch the exit hole cuz it's grown over whichwill involve putting a bar through my nose. No prob, except they don't make the bars at my stud's gauge so it's gonna hurt....ack! But apparently I'm weird and it didn't hurt at all. And finally, finally, we got the stud back in. Huray!

Unfortunately, the inside of my nose is now so traumatized that I feel like my nose is stuffed up cuz it's swollen....stupid nose. Looks fine out the outside though, so I'm super lucky. Actually it was healing awesome until I knocked the stud out....grr. Anyway, that's the story. It was way better in my head, cuz my piercer was all worried and kept saying that if he was hurting me that I should say so...ok, time to go to, seriously....later.

Pierced!

In other news, I lost my nose piercing when I was in Lebanon. I was crushed. Of course I hadn't thought to bring an extra stud. And it fell out God knows when, so I totally lost it. Very sad. I drove everyone nuts for a while trying to track down a new one, but it doesn't seem like people pierce in Lebanon. There were lots of "fake" ones, but no REAL studs for your nose. Very sad.

Anyway, soon after I got home I went to visit my piercer. He said the hole looked closed, but try putting in my starter stud. No way. So today I got it repierece. Well, sorta. He wouldn't repierce it in the same spot, which is part of the reason I was upset in Lebanon (it was too close to an artery). But turns out it looks pretty darn good in it's new spot. Maybe even better. Hurray!

I was surprised by how, un-me I felt with out it. Like part of my identity was missing.














- First and second piercings...I think this one might be better...

About Lebanon

I'm not sure why it's been so difficult to sit down and write about my trip. I guess it's because I did so much and so many things are worth talking about...and there's the fact that I already wrote a travellog for all my friends and family and so it seems very repetitive to do it here. But that's what I get for wanting anonymity.

Besides, none of the REAL stories are on my other blog, so I should be excited to write about them. Ok, here goes.

The first story is "Fizzy"

Fizzy is my cousin. And he's around my age, so when he wanted to hang out the first week I was here, I thought, "why not"....sadly this did not turn out to be the case. I shoulda known by the creep vibes I was getting from him...how he would shake my hand a little too long, how he was always turning up...anyway, we went wandering around the village one evening and it was a good talk (in French, Arabic, and English). I figured he was a fairly modern person who'd make a good friend. He asked if I wanted to go out the next night and so I said sure. Though to be honest I was feeling a little unsure because of how he kept saying too many nice things about me. Anyway, the next night he picked me up on his lame-ass motorbike and took me to the village park/restaurant place...lookign suspiciously like a date. And as the evening progressed, I started to feel I needed to ensure he wasn't hitting on me. The trouble was explaining this since we only sorta spoke the same languages. Anyway, to make a long uncomfortable evening short, he gave me this ABSURD gift and I knew that I needed to get the hell out. Anyone ho has known me for more than five minutes knows I hate useless, gaudy gifts and this was the worst kind. It was a bracelet (I'm allergic to most medal, which I'd tried to explain the last time he tried to buy me a gift) presented on this stuffed red heart (with the word "love" on it in white cursive) placed in a basket-type thing with brown fur on it. Oh and the huge awful gift bag was red with hearts on it too. It was awful. I could hardly look at it. Anyway, I was so embarrassed that even when my sister saw the gift, that I didnt' even tell her there was a bracelet with it. In fact, you dear readers are the only ones I've told.

If you think that was the end of it, you're sadly mistaken. He asked when I wanted to hang out again and since I really didn't I sorta tried to put him off. Let downs are even harder when you don't know the words. Anyway, it got worse.

My dad had a little talk with me about how Fizzy had talked to him about me. And he really just wanted me to take him to Canada. The first night we'd been chatting, we had talked about Canada. I innocently asked why he didn't go to Canada and he told me that he couldn't leave his home...hmm....LIAR. CREEP. AND THEN, my sister tells me that he had asked if he could MARRY me. I mean, seriously. First you lie to me, then you want to marry me, your cousin. AFTER I tell you that I'm totally not interested in you? GROSS.

After that I couldn't even stand to be around him. I just left the area whenver he came by. This initially caused some trouble cuz he thought no one liked him, which my step-mom didn't want. But if I never saw him again, I'd be just fine with it. Arg. Ick.

So is the first story. To add to my angst, I had already taken a liking to Mr. M, and had kinda noticed he liked me. And was feeling quite worried that he'd be jealous. He let me into the house the night I went out with Fizzy and didn't look thrilled to see me turn up at 1am. But then, that could be cuz I woke him up, too. Hard to say. Yeesh.

blurg

I am full. Funny how lunch can quickly turn into an extended feast when you're by yourself with Harry Potter. Seriously, must stop eating. My new summer's resolution is to eat less and drink more and I am already failing.

I'm Drowning

I have so much to say. So many SNAFUs to talk about. So much work to do. So much to learn. My arm hurts cuz I scraped it yesterday. AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Also, look:

Vacation with some edge

Ok, so I'm going to bore you all to tears now, with the stories of my trip. I'm gonna try and keep them to a minimum, but I have lots to blab about. So the first bit of business is that by the time I got there I was sooo sleep deprived it was absurd. I hadn't slept the night before and we had something like a four hour extra delay in Italy. Ick. So I think I was awake for around 40 hours or something stupid. And when we first got there, the car bringing our luggage had broken down. Nice. And our house wasn't ready so we were saying at my step-mom's parents. Bad Karma, I think.

Anyway, eventually we got into an up around 6am, breakfast at 10am, kinda groove. It was nice staying at the grandparent's house. Comfortable and everyone went there to visit. The toilets were an adjustment. Luckily the grandparents have a normal toilet, but many people in lebanon have this little porcelain hole in the floor apparatus where you squat. Anyway, most people there don't use toilet paper so it was an adjustment always remembering to find tissue before you went to the bathroom. At some point within the first two weeks, my step-mom's youngest brother started taking me and my half-sister out every evening. Usually we'd drive around the village or to a neighboring village and have ice cream and/or shwarma (like a pita sandwich). Let me tell you the icecream is good in Lebanon. YUM! Our icecream does not have nearly enough nuts.

Anyway, finally our house's floor was done, something like it had to be buffed or something, I dont' know. But it didn't really look like it had been done properly anyway. But I was sad to leave the gradnparent's house because I had become really comfortable there. And I liked hangng out with the brother. He is cute and fun and doesn't speak any English. I liked spending the evening trying to teach him English and learn Arabic. It was fun. AND he is the only person in his twenties without children.

Well, this hanging out with Mr. M soon became a problem as my father DID NOT like me staying out after 10pm with "boys". What a crock. Considering he never takes us anywhere I wasn't going to spend my entire VACATION hanging out with my brother's and sisters in the house. Mr. M like most good people has a job and so wasn't around much during the day. To make a long story short my dad and I eventually had a big fight and I had to stay in at 10pm. And I was not happy.

This occurred around the time I started making out with Mr. M when no one else was around to see. Tee hee. For the record he kissed me. You see in Lebanon people are very conservative. NO dating. No fun after dark. So Mr. M who is the youngest in the family, spent a lot of time in Beirut, which is a lot more like Edmonton or Ottawa. Originally I was hesitant to show Mr. M the pictures on my computer because I am drinking in many of them and I didn't want him to think badly of me. Ha. I shoulda showed him. We'd have had more fun sooner. Mr. M drinks. Mr. M ...uhm...misbehaves. Good for Mr. M. I'm quite sad that I didn't meet him in Canada. We'd have had a great deal of fun. I like that he is very very masculine.

Let's see, that is really boring so far. But I will tell stories in my next post, I think. Anyway, Highlights:

• Mr. M bought me my only birthday gift. It was nice. It was perfume which I normally wouldn't like but somehow didn't mind from him.
• Mr. M also bought me a going away gift. Something he'd seen me wanting before. Very sweet.
• My dad is the same old jerk he's always been, but amazingly, we managed to get through the whole trip with only one fight
• I didn't see as much as I wanted to see. I am very disappointed about this.
• I made one good girl friend. But we couldn't hang out cuz she had to go for surgery. Boo.
• I only saw my grandparents once or twice. I spent the whole trip with my step-mom's family. They are great, but I am sad.
• Beirut is #@*&(*& hot.
• I tried to stay longer but I couldn't change my ticket.
• My computer got wiped and I lost ALL my files. Thank God I backed up before I left. Though there was a small disaster with my grades for the course I am TAing. Shh. Don't tell.
• I only spent $500 Canadian on a five week trip. Yay for me.

Ok, I'm really not in the mood to reminisce. Sorry folks. There are some good stories, I have the sorta down somewhere, but I'm still rebuilding my computer as we speak and it is distracting. Hope you all are having a lovely summer.