sigh

It seems terribly obvious that the other is not interested or has come to the assumption that I am not interested in him. Either way, I felt very silly today. I mean I probably shouldn't have but I did....we were leaving climbing and as always needed a ride home....God I hate asking for rides....but it just isn't safe for me to walk in the dark in the area. Anyways, there were three of my buddies and I just sorta through it up there and one seemed like he wasn't to keen on it and sorta volunteered Bright Scarf....who said he could give me a ride if I didn't mind if he stopped for gas. The volunteerer eventually found out where I lived and said he wouldn't mind driving me home...which was good. But importantly, the Other One didn't speak a word...and worst of all is that when the volunteerer sounded uninterested I did sorta ask the Other One if he minded...though he may not have heard...anyway, point is that I felt like an idiot. I hate asking for help. And I hate that the Other One doesn't seem to have any special interest in me. Grr. Feel cranky.

because god forbid I am not interested in someone

I am terrible at NOT having a crush. Terrible. Jaxx has been nothing but irritating....he either is not interested or just doesn't know how to ask a girl out.

There are two other single males that I find at least somewhat attractive......both are on my dodgeball team. The first I have found attractive for a while.....when I wasn't sure what was gonna happen with timbuctoo still. He sorta hit on me...or at least showed interest....and I sort of backed away because of timbuctoo....and then he seemed not too receptive when I was single again....not that I really made any moves. And eventually found out he has a gf....though I heard it wasn't serious...anyway, over the last few months I've been back and forth about whether I'm interested....I'm attracted for sure...but he's clearly not a candidate for a real relationship. Which is too bad...but he is very fun. And a good guy to be friends with for sure cuz he is fun. Let's call him Bright Scarf.

The other I have known for a little longer and never really found attractive until just recently. He has always struck me as a beta male....but lately he's been seeming more interesting. Not really sure why. He's really nice. My age. Not totally immature or mature....maybe its because I've had a chance to have a few beers with him (and others) and realized that maybe he's not just an awkward guy.....he may have a dirty mind after all....he's not particularly good at the organized sports we play, though he's clearly athletic...and that's maybe why I always thought this....maybe he just never played these sports. He climbs though and is really quite good....and I don't know...lately he just seems more interesting.

I had to really fight not to phone him and ask him if he wanted to see a movie with me tonight...though I did text him about the hockey game...but he already had plans...though he did ask if I was climbing tomorrow....which is at least sort of a good sign....

Though I was really worried that my half drunken phone call last night might have scared him off...well it was only 6:30 so he probably didn't think I was drunk......sigh.

Anyway.....he has real potential being of the same age, liking sports, not being a student, having a a car, and being fun and nice.....we'll see what happens

stand up

What a great climb today. What a great sport.

Anyway, I was thinking while I was climbing about the comment on my last post about timbuctoo....from dustindiamond.....who apparently doesn't have a blog....anyway, I just wanted to say I hope things work out for you....and thanks for the post.

damn it

You know I thought I was on the ball with this money thing....but I just looked at my budget and realized that I had budgeted to include an income over the summer that I won't have....which means that I need to take $3000 out of the money I wanted to put into savings to pay for my expenses over the summer. This SUCKS.

Maybe I'll win that scholarship....then I can put that $3000 in and maybe a bit more.....

GRRRRR. This sucks.

stocking

I can't keep up. Life is going too fast and I don't have time to think about it...and I need time to think about it.

Finally it is Saturday. I slept in, I read my book and drank my coffee by the window while sitting in my recliner.....and I finally have a few minutes.

There's things that have been happening that I feel I need to think about.....relate so I can get some perspective....but I guess right now I want to think about what I want to do with the next few months of my life....with this life that will soon be in its third decade. How did this happen? How am I still in school? Why don't I have a partner. Sigh.

Anyway, what ARE my goals......

• Get out of debt - definitely possible....assuming I don't spend willy nilly, break or lose anything, and am willing to not put away the whole amount I had planned
• Read some of the books on my shelf - they're piling up...between the Christmas buying spree and the shopping therapy purchase of past book club books, I need a book buying ban. More importantly, I WANT to read....but I find I am hesitant to pick up these books for fear of being made to feel sad.....
• Prepare my thesis proposal - I need this done...just so I don't feel overwhelmed....but there are so many other projects that are more likely to bring my career success that it is easy to put it to the side. I mustn't. Reading week....IT GETS DONE
• Projects and papers
• there's the one with the bird that needs to be coded, analysed, written up
• there's the one with faces that needs to be researched and written
• there's the new methods paper that I just want to write
• there's the conference presentation for the bird....
• there's the final exam for that course....
• .....I guess this really isn't so bad.....the thesis proposal, the faces paper, the bird analysis, the methods paper....I could maybe get through that stuff over reading week...or at least get to a point where the hard work is done.....lemme see

The Plan:

• Reading for proposal - 1 day
• Proposal draft - 1 day
  
• Face readings - 1 day
• Face draft - 1/2day
  
• Bird coding - 1 day
• Bird analyis - 1/2 day
• Bird write up - 1/2 day
• Final exam - 1/2 day
• Methods paper - 1 day

Well....that's a week....I have 10 days....some of which I AUGHT to have fun on....you know, sleep in or go out or both....so I guess it's possible to do these things if I work hard....if I'm disciplined.....fingers crossed.

Anything else? Hmm....well I'd like to be running more....I can't believe how busy I am this term....with lots of sports, but still. Also I'd like to be eating lunch out less...I'm too lazy to make lunch or don't have time. That sucks cuz I HAVE food at home that is WAY better than what I buy....I NEED to start bringing lunch.

What about that vacation this summer? Need to make a plan....am I going home at all? It sort of sucks that I won't really have any idea of whether I can do this until I finish my proposal....bah. Oh well....And plans for the summer...right now there's no budget for trips but some friends want to go outside climbing (scary but fun!)....and I really want to do something tropical...Cuba maybe....hmmmm.....

Ok....I feel better.....