obviously I'm pathetic.

So today. I am thinking that there must be something messed up with me....it's not like I'm unhappy...it's not like my life sucks...but I can't stop thinking about this...well...I just don't want to.

So I was working in a coffee shop and I watched him walk with his coffee and he looked so happy...and I couldn't help but wonder why I am letting another person make me unhappy...and it's not even him ...it's me.

What if I die here?

I don't want to stop thinking about it...but I know I should;.....I don't know what to do....I clearly am happy to be miserable....or too miserable to be happy....

I am clearly confused...I know that the difference between moving on and being pathetic is how disciplined I am wiht myself...even a little would end this....but here I am....and I obviously don't care to....

What is this...what's happening here?

"How many heartaches must I stand, before I find a love to let me live again...right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on...when I feel my strength, it's almost gone...."

I don't know...I hate this...I hate that it's all I think about...that I know better...that I'm better than this...everyone knows it....do I like the misery?