chasing mice around

Oh my. Oh me. Oh my. So many things to report. Oh dear. Where to start. I could write a Dr. Seuss book....
Ok, so softball with Timbuctoo on Saturday was great...finally some excercise, he didn't bring wifey, the team was good and tons of fun. We won the tournament, I got to hang out with Timbuctoo. Life was good.

Then on the way home, Timbuctoo says something along the lines of "I'm totally up for a pitcher if you are"....which meant a pitcher plus some NTN which was great fun....and then he had tentative plans to watch the hockey game with some of our mutual friends which of course I was invited to join in on....but apparently I was the only one who was interested....so he had to decide whether he should just come watch the game with me....which he did...and so we put down another pitcher and watched the game...and then he was gonna go to a party...with wifey if she wanted to go...or stay and watch the OTHER hockey game, which I wanted to see....wifey wasn't interested in the party so down went another pitcher....

Issues:

• he told wifey he was drinking with his "team"
• I don't think wifey knew i was playing
• beer + camel + timbuctoo = very open discussions

so, side story....Timbuctoo and I are fairly drunk after two pitchers AFTER the first earlier one...and who walks in but SuperD....who says "I thought you were finishing your proposal" and "you're drunk aren't you"....ya....he thinks I'm a lush and it's totally making me feel bad. Boo. ....incidentally I called him yesterday to invite him out since we'd loosely discussed doing something but he's like "how about Thursday?" so I said "cool" but I don't know....my guess is he's gonna bail cuz he thinks I'm some kinda slack-ass boozer....hope not cuz he's fun and interesting...

so, back to the real story....so Timbuctoo and I emerge from the sports bar liquored and holding hands...and go for poutine and then he begins walking me home...well, I've got my head on pretty straight and am carefully kyboshing any possible touching that could lead to misbehavior....

we get to my place, he comes up to use the bathroom, I call a cab....and then he gives me a hug and then I say, "go" and he says, "come wait with me for the cab"...I say "why" and he says "just because".....here's where trouble started....

we walk downstairs and are waiting, hugging...and he kisses me....I mean jeez...I know better....and when the cab showed up he says "just send it away, I'll stay a little longer, I won't stay over"...and I say "no, go home".....and he says "ok".....sigh.

So....what's a girl to do?

1. I promised I myself and him that I would walk away from him if he ever hit on me again
2. then I wondered if he really was just a cheating jerk (I don't think so)
3. we had such a good talk at the bar....I mean I admitted the one thing to him that I had reall been bothered by....I told him about Jesse and why I felt bad about it.....
4. superD thinks I'm a lush
5. Timbuctoo is clearly lying to wifey so he can hang out with me, but if he didn't then I'd NEVEr see him

Grr.....we talked the next day and decided we would make a point of not being alone together but what a predicament...I mean he's half happy with wifey, but can't decide between security and finding real happiness...sigh...I don't want to be in the middle.

I feel fine, oddly enough. I care about him enough to want him to be happy, whatever he decides, and do feel I can just be friends with him, but I'm scared for him. If he decides to leave wifey, will he want to be with me? What will happen to his life if he does? Their shared friends? Their house? So many things....I am so inclined to tell him to take the easy route and stay with her, because I am almost positive I would....but I know that's really not the right thing to do either....I don't envy him.....