Inescapable me-dom
It's one of those days where I just don't do anything...I appear to do things all day but I meet no goals, break some resolutions, and generally just generally feel half-alive.
These don't happen too often, thankfully, and today didn't start out as one of those days...I woke up with a happy blood sugar at a happy hour after a happy rest....and then proceeded to feel restless for the rest of the day. Cursed day.
It's been a while since I felt any music...but LaunchCast had this to play and it fit my brain:
How could you show me that life's worth living
I'll never live it with you
And every time there's a gift worth giving
You won't let me give it to you
- Found Another Way by Thornley
This fits with my general feeling of wrongness about things today...I mean I've experienced so many things that I think lots of people would feel priveleged to have got to do or say they experienced...and I've been alive long enough to know that I'm not average...though saying so bites angrily at my modesty so that I hide from compliments alot...but what is that I am?
My life is happening and I feel like I'm watching it on TV. And I hate TV! I feel so unparticipatory. I'm too scared to do the things I must and I've done my best to burn the map to places I like to be....I guess that when something catches my passion I get so caught up in excelling at it that I forget to check and see if it is all it's cracked up to be.
Sigh...I just want to be finished grading, finished programming, finished filming, finished learning Lebanese so I can sit down and think about something I want to worry about.
These don't happen too often, thankfully, and today didn't start out as one of those days...I woke up with a happy blood sugar at a happy hour after a happy rest....and then proceeded to feel restless for the rest of the day. Cursed day.
It's been a while since I felt any music...but LaunchCast had this to play and it fit my brain:
How could you show me that life's worth living
I'll never live it with you
And every time there's a gift worth giving
You won't let me give it to you
- Found Another Way by Thornley
This fits with my general feeling of wrongness about things today...I mean I've experienced so many things that I think lots of people would feel priveleged to have got to do or say they experienced...and I've been alive long enough to know that I'm not average...though saying so bites angrily at my modesty so that I hide from compliments alot...but what is that I am?
My life is happening and I feel like I'm watching it on TV. And I hate TV! I feel so unparticipatory. I'm too scared to do the things I must and I've done my best to burn the map to places I like to be....I guess that when something catches my passion I get so caught up in excelling at it that I forget to check and see if it is all it's cracked up to be.
Sigh...I just want to be finished grading, finished programming, finished filming, finished learning Lebanese so I can sit down and think about something I want to worry about.
posted by Camel at 8:20 p.m.
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