and I'm a bad boy for breaking her heart....
I guess Timbuctoo was mad at me yesterday. Can't say I blame him, I did say he was a lousy manager. I didn't mean it...I was annoyed by the fact that he and his pal seemed to think that a competitive ball team could be managed with the players just playing where they wanted. Which is crap. But then, I was talking about a competitive team in a competitive league whereas it appears we are a competitive team in a semi-competitive league.
I was frustrated with him too. I emailed him this morning to sorta talk it out but there are some things I'd rather say in person. So it makes me so much the more frustrated that I am in this relationship but I can't even properly communicate my so-called partner. Clearly that's an exaggerration since it's not technically a relationship....has few of the benefits other than the messing around....
Sigh. Now I just sound bitter. But the truth is that I am starting to get frustrated. I think part of it is that I feel kinda used because the thing that seems to keep him at my house is fooling around. I realize that's only partially true...I mean it distracts him from thinking about the fact that he shouldn't be there but it still kinda hurts. And as a result, I've really lost interest in fooling around with him.
I've been thinking about what he said about the chemistry of love, how the good feeling that goes with love is from a chemical that bonds couples but dissapates after a year and a half or two years. Which kinda makes me wonder if he's just waiting around to see what happens after a year and a half....which seems ridiculously unfair to me....I know he wants to make the right decision and intellectually that's a good way to check but it's sure unfair to me. But its just a theory.
On the one hand I feel bad for pushing him to decide but on the other I feel frustrated and alone. And I just don't know what to do. Even if he does decide...to stay with his gf...what then? Do I keep playing ball with him twice a week? Everything is just so ruddy complicated. I want to break things off....just say I can't do it anymore, I just feel too much like a second fiddle....but I just don't know what would make me happy if I did that. I'd be even more miserable because it would be over and then I would also have to deal with an even lower level of positive things in my life.
This just sucks.
I was frustrated with him too. I emailed him this morning to sorta talk it out but there are some things I'd rather say in person. So it makes me so much the more frustrated that I am in this relationship but I can't even properly communicate my so-called partner. Clearly that's an exaggerration since it's not technically a relationship....has few of the benefits other than the messing around....
Sigh. Now I just sound bitter. But the truth is that I am starting to get frustrated. I think part of it is that I feel kinda used because the thing that seems to keep him at my house is fooling around. I realize that's only partially true...I mean it distracts him from thinking about the fact that he shouldn't be there but it still kinda hurts. And as a result, I've really lost interest in fooling around with him.
I've been thinking about what he said about the chemistry of love, how the good feeling that goes with love is from a chemical that bonds couples but dissapates after a year and a half or two years. Which kinda makes me wonder if he's just waiting around to see what happens after a year and a half....which seems ridiculously unfair to me....I know he wants to make the right decision and intellectually that's a good way to check but it's sure unfair to me. But its just a theory.
On the one hand I feel bad for pushing him to decide but on the other I feel frustrated and alone. And I just don't know what to do. Even if he does decide...to stay with his gf...what then? Do I keep playing ball with him twice a week? Everything is just so ruddy complicated. I want to break things off....just say I can't do it anymore, I just feel too much like a second fiddle....but I just don't know what would make me happy if I did that. I'd be even more miserable because it would be over and then I would also have to deal with an even lower level of positive things in my life.
This just sucks.
posted by Camel at 8:45 p.m.
1 Comments:
Sorry, being nosy and your comments are on... He IS a lousy manager! Manager's make decisions all the frickin time. He can't seem to make the call... you or gf! WTF!?
If you won't do it for you do HIM a favor and make the decision for him!
Also, while love is a chemical response. It is a chemical response to a CHOICE. I chose to be with Michelle for the rest of my life. I CHOOSE to love her with everything I've got. We're married now for almost 15 years and while the mushy messing around stuff is light... so what!? I have a life partner I'm totally committed to.
Mr. Manager Man Timbuktoo can't seem to commit. Too bad. Lots of guys out there who can (and who probably mess around just as well as he does). Go play the field Camel.
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