i just don't know
So this whole Timbuctoo thing has to come to a head at some point. I just don't know what to do or think anymore. Last night he came over after the bar. We were out watching the hockey game at the pub but with different groups and then later went dancing with my friends.
It seems like something is getting routine....the getting together and being happy to be together, then messing around, and then us discussing our feelings. In the sense that he asked if I knew how he feels about me or if I believe him and I say I get it but I can't really believe it while he's still with his gf. I remember him saying he's "deciding" but I don't know how to feel about that.
I feel like he leaves our encounters with a bad feeling, though we discussed it before and he said he doesn't. But still, at least this time, I feel worried....like my always being upset about this will make him want to be with me less. But it's absurd, because I have every right to be. Though I should be just cutting him off, really.
Anyway, I guess part of the issue is that he's going away for a few days....probably camping with his gf. I'm sure it is something like that cuz he didn't say what he was doing. Which also makes me scared because last night was so...I dunno, worrisome...and I guess I just feel like the jury is out. So I can't talk with him about last night, and he may come back with a decision.
Am i doing the right thing? I don't know anymore. I'm terrified. We've discussed lately what happens with "love" chemically and I now have some insight into why he is so on the fence, but that just makes me feel less attractive an option. Bah.
I wish I could talk to him. I wish that we hadn't messed around last night at all. I wish that when we weren't messing around that he hadn't kept saying "I have to go".....I do believe he loves me but I don't believe that he is in love with me enough to be with me. And not only is that sad, but makes me feel like what I've been looking for in a mate is immature and futile. Bah.
It seems like something is getting routine....the getting together and being happy to be together, then messing around, and then us discussing our feelings. In the sense that he asked if I knew how he feels about me or if I believe him and I say I get it but I can't really believe it while he's still with his gf. I remember him saying he's "deciding" but I don't know how to feel about that.
I feel like he leaves our encounters with a bad feeling, though we discussed it before and he said he doesn't. But still, at least this time, I feel worried....like my always being upset about this will make him want to be with me less. But it's absurd, because I have every right to be. Though I should be just cutting him off, really.
Anyway, I guess part of the issue is that he's going away for a few days....probably camping with his gf. I'm sure it is something like that cuz he didn't say what he was doing. Which also makes me scared because last night was so...I dunno, worrisome...and I guess I just feel like the jury is out. So I can't talk with him about last night, and he may come back with a decision.
Am i doing the right thing? I don't know anymore. I'm terrified. We've discussed lately what happens with "love" chemically and I now have some insight into why he is so on the fence, but that just makes me feel less attractive an option. Bah.
I wish I could talk to him. I wish that we hadn't messed around last night at all. I wish that when we weren't messing around that he hadn't kept saying "I have to go".....I do believe he loves me but I don't believe that he is in love with me enough to be with me. And not only is that sad, but makes me feel like what I've been looking for in a mate is immature and futile. Bah.
posted by Camel at 8:02 p.m.
1 Comments:
Sorry to be gone so long... dump this guy! You were talking about him way back when I was keeping up with you regular like... Same problems then.
Take care of YOU! Seizures and all. Get it together. Love on yourself a bit, get your head back in the game and stop letting this dude wrench your heart around!!!
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