here and now

I feel like I'm dog paddling....not well, but my head is above water. My life seems desperately out of my control but every day at least one thing reminds me that I like living. I feel weird...am I depressed? Or just going through a rough patch of life?

I talked to my mom today and she broke down talking about how it was her anniversary and her husband was out mowing the lawn. I feel terrible. I did not even remember that it was their anniversary. I love my mom so much I just want to cry. She is frustrated in many the same ways I am: dissatisfied but too scared to move on, trapped in her situation by money and confidence.

Sometimes I think about how I can't relate to people who don't go to school. They're happy, they make money....but I can't fathom it. I can't fathom the world as a place with opportunities sometimes....where you don't have to be the most qualified or have the most money to get what you want.