walk on by
Such a rough week. Things were going so well, and then suddenly, out of nowhere.....Timbuctoo turns into a total jerk.
So I finally manage to track him down and call him on it and he basically tells me that he's barely keeping it together....that he's been avoiding me because he can't deal with the high and subsequent crash of being with me. That he needs to get some help. Great.
I fully support him going for therapy, but how can I help but think that basically wants happening is he's realized he can't put off breaking up with his gf any more and can't do it. That he promised me but doesn't have the balls to do it, not combined with the guilt (of what we've done) and the regret for letting his relationship with her go so wrong. And I can see his world of avoidance crashing in on him as he finally realizes that not seeing his mother is cruel, even if being with her is hard on him.
And he won't say it, but the truth is that his promises to me now mean absolutely nothing. I mean let's face it. Any therapist is gonna suggest him and his gf go for couples counciling...which means basically that he fesses up to his relationship with me and starts trying to fix his relationship with her, instead. And as much as I agree that you should try what you can to fix a relationship, they shouldn't be in a relationship and fixing it is not going to work. But him and his "relationships take work" mentality will end up sticking with her because he's terrified of admitting that their relationship shouldn't be.
I woant desperately to believe that the therapist will see this, but he won't. And I know I should give Timbuctoo more credit for being able to wade through good and bad suggestions, but let's face it, my chances aren't good.
And I am so angry. How could he promise me. How could he? Two weeks before the biggest exam of my life, he basically broke up with me. And he wasn't even going to talk to me about it...just avoid me until he got his shit together. I want to scream about how unfair it all is. And cry. And I haven't told anyone.
And how can I be angry at him? He's falling apart. He said he was hurt that I would suggest the resons for his avoidance that I did....but what can he expect? Until he actually does what he's said he will do, how can I trust him? And I've been as patient as I can be. I have basically given him an entire year more than it was supposed to be....in all fairness, the circumstances warranted it. But I told him that the end of July was it. I need my self respect. I need a deadline for going on with my life, either with or without him. And is it fair to me to change that because he can't cope with the pressure? I don't think it is. And I'm not going to change it. I can't live like this. I won't. Like he said when we talked about the fact that his gf was gonna stay for the summer, rather than leave in June as planned...if he can't break up with her, he doesn't deserve me.
Which brings me to another infuriating fact. I realize it is a problem he has that he clams up when he's upset, but all that was real in our relationship was the communication...the most important thing....and he never bothered to share the fact that she decided to stay (never bothered to let her know about the apparently imminent breakup so she coudl consider that). I'm so furious.
The truth is that I was stupid to believe things would turn out my way. And I'm just deluding myself to think that waiting this month will change anything.
So I finally manage to track him down and call him on it and he basically tells me that he's barely keeping it together....that he's been avoiding me because he can't deal with the high and subsequent crash of being with me. That he needs to get some help. Great.
I fully support him going for therapy, but how can I help but think that basically wants happening is he's realized he can't put off breaking up with his gf any more and can't do it. That he promised me but doesn't have the balls to do it, not combined with the guilt (of what we've done) and the regret for letting his relationship with her go so wrong. And I can see his world of avoidance crashing in on him as he finally realizes that not seeing his mother is cruel, even if being with her is hard on him.
And he won't say it, but the truth is that his promises to me now mean absolutely nothing. I mean let's face it. Any therapist is gonna suggest him and his gf go for couples counciling...which means basically that he fesses up to his relationship with me and starts trying to fix his relationship with her, instead. And as much as I agree that you should try what you can to fix a relationship, they shouldn't be in a relationship and fixing it is not going to work. But him and his "relationships take work" mentality will end up sticking with her because he's terrified of admitting that their relationship shouldn't be.
I woant desperately to believe that the therapist will see this, but he won't. And I know I should give Timbuctoo more credit for being able to wade through good and bad suggestions, but let's face it, my chances aren't good.
And I am so angry. How could he promise me. How could he? Two weeks before the biggest exam of my life, he basically broke up with me. And he wasn't even going to talk to me about it...just avoid me until he got his shit together. I want to scream about how unfair it all is. And cry. And I haven't told anyone.
And how can I be angry at him? He's falling apart. He said he was hurt that I would suggest the resons for his avoidance that I did....but what can he expect? Until he actually does what he's said he will do, how can I trust him? And I've been as patient as I can be. I have basically given him an entire year more than it was supposed to be....in all fairness, the circumstances warranted it. But I told him that the end of July was it. I need my self respect. I need a deadline for going on with my life, either with or without him. And is it fair to me to change that because he can't cope with the pressure? I don't think it is. And I'm not going to change it. I can't live like this. I won't. Like he said when we talked about the fact that his gf was gonna stay for the summer, rather than leave in June as planned...if he can't break up with her, he doesn't deserve me.
Which brings me to another infuriating fact. I realize it is a problem he has that he clams up when he's upset, but all that was real in our relationship was the communication...the most important thing....and he never bothered to share the fact that she decided to stay (never bothered to let her know about the apparently imminent breakup so she coudl consider that). I'm so furious.
The truth is that I was stupid to believe things would turn out my way. And I'm just deluding myself to think that waiting this month will change anything.
posted by Camel at 8:46 p.m.
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