more minutes

Phew!!!

The proposal application IS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now I must do the multitude of things due before the end of the month....but still...happiness all around...

And of course time to reflect on Timbuctoo's continued occupation of the corners of my mind...so...here's the thing....

I keep thinking about all this when I have a spare moment, like in the van on the way home from Buffalo and on the way to school. And I find that there really isn't much to think about. The facts are as follows:

1. He may want to see me, but he doesn't want to break up with his gf.
2. Seeing him makes it harder for me to maintain the "never gonna happen" mentality.
3. Seeing him also reinforces his avoidance of dealing with his gf issues - sort of a "have your cake and eat it too" kinda thing.
   
4. Despite that it's nice to be wanted, it's fundamentally disrespectful to put me in this position. When it comes down to it, he's not considering me, he's just thinking of himself.

So despite the fact that be around him makes me happy, it is clearly unhealthy on every level. And so I sincerely hope that I am a resolute enough person to express this to him. Clearly the desire to see each other is not about to randomly dissapate, but I clearly need to suppress the urge for my own well-being.

Over and out.