Karma?
I hate this. There's all kinds of conflicts swirling around my head...
tonight...I invited Timbuctoo to watch hockey with me and some friends...in fact I may only have been interested in hockey because I knew he might come...but hard to say...anyway, he had plans to watch at home...which was good cuz I had fun with my friends...
but he said they were going downtime after the game, called me and I said I would stop by to say hi...but none of my friends were into going out so....my friend frizzyHair waited a bit at the pub until they would be at the club I was gonna meet them at...but then there was a lineup...so we took a spin through the other club they were gonna go to later...but they weren't there...so we decided to leave...and then there was what looked like no line at the first club...so I sent frizzyHair off and went to go in...but turns out there was a small lineup that I couldn't see...
I could've just given the bouncer my ID and gone in and said hi and left....but it seemed like so much trouble...and bad karma....so I just left...but walking home my mind went crazy with so much spinning through it.....
I wanted to go back and leave my ID. I wanted to go home because we shouldn't have planned to meet in the first place, even as friends. I wanted to go back because I had been waiting all night to see him. I wanted to go home because it was safer. I wanted to go back because he would be disappointed I didn't leave my ID. I wanted to go home because I really, really wanted to see him...so much confusion...so much....
This whole week has killed me...I'm falling for him because we've dropped all pretenses...because I've told him what I think is going on and judged his thoughts on his situation...and this sucks...I can't do this. I know I can't be with him. And I know that this can't end well for me. So I need to just let go. But I don't want to. He's interesting. This is interesting. And I feel happy when I'm around him. I wish the world were simpler. I wish he would phone and ask where I am so I could explain....
tonight...I invited Timbuctoo to watch hockey with me and some friends...in fact I may only have been interested in hockey because I knew he might come...but hard to say...anyway, he had plans to watch at home...which was good cuz I had fun with my friends...
but he said they were going downtime after the game, called me and I said I would stop by to say hi...but none of my friends were into going out so....my friend frizzyHair waited a bit at the pub until they would be at the club I was gonna meet them at...but then there was a lineup...so we took a spin through the other club they were gonna go to later...but they weren't there...so we decided to leave...and then there was what looked like no line at the first club...so I sent frizzyHair off and went to go in...but turns out there was a small lineup that I couldn't see...
I could've just given the bouncer my ID and gone in and said hi and left....but it seemed like so much trouble...and bad karma....so I just left...but walking home my mind went crazy with so much spinning through it.....
I wanted to go back and leave my ID. I wanted to go home because we shouldn't have planned to meet in the first place, even as friends. I wanted to go back because I had been waiting all night to see him. I wanted to go home because it was safer. I wanted to go back because he would be disappointed I didn't leave my ID. I wanted to go home because I really, really wanted to see him...so much confusion...so much....
This whole week has killed me...I'm falling for him because we've dropped all pretenses...because I've told him what I think is going on and judged his thoughts on his situation...and this sucks...I can't do this. I know I can't be with him. And I know that this can't end well for me. So I need to just let go. But I don't want to. He's interesting. This is interesting. And I feel happy when I'm around him. I wish the world were simpler. I wish he would phone and ask where I am so I could explain....
posted by Camel at 11:07 p.m.
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