sigh and sigh again

Well, the weekend is over. It seemed to last forever...and pass too fast at the same time. Yet again I drank too much and got not nearly enough work done. Funny to feel like I should and shouldn't work so hard at the same time.

All in all, I was very accomplished for this weekend. I bought my punching bag, I got a vaccuum. I figured out RSS. I worked on a study. I booked the flight to this year's conference. I helped Smiley buy a kick ass suit and coat for his interviews...But I didn't some really important things....like make lineups for my thesis study. This is a problem with me, I think. ...doing the right work. I'm great at doing work, but when it comes to something important I have a hard time doing it. Boo.

Not that this weekend was some kind of success. Friday night was horrible. Well, Saturday morning thinking about Friday was horrible. I don't even want to talk about it. Timbuctoo emailed me today to tell me what he had told his gf and his friend who was giving him heck for flirting with me. This self-loathing is a very uncomfortable feeling. But I emailed him and told him that I couldn't see him anymore at all because this "friend" thing just isn't gonna work....

I don't even know how I feel anymore. I'm so mortified at the thought of people knowing what has been going on, of his getting caught in a lie, of my reputation, of my lying to my friends...I can hardly stand to think about it. I just want to get my punching bag hung up so I can beat the crap out of it. And listen to Keane.

This is the last time
That I will say these words
I remember the first time
The first of many lies
Sweep it into the corner
Or hide it under the bed
Say these things they go away
But they never do
Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of