do you feel like a man?
funny, I don't feel so bad....I feel relieved....and knowing that the person I was in love with doesn't actually exist sure makes things simpler.
At any rate, my heart feels fine...I've been waiting for the crash but it hasn't happened.
I've had a good month, considering...after a rather intoxicated few weeks and a great deal of self indulgence in the form of new clothes, I realize that i am just not shattered.
Mostly I am seeing how ridiculous his behavior is/was and since we've had zero interaction there's not a lot of that heart break fluttering...which is good.
Also, there's a new boy to chase...and Jaxx, while now with someone, is someone that I am clearly still interested in and who is still interested in me.
I'm home for the holidays now and somehow have managed to get a phone number and hook up with a friend.....the sounds of which make me worried that I'm being self-destructive, but I have to say that I don't feel bad...I don't feel desperate, I just feel good that I don't have to hide my life any more.
At any rate, my heart feels fine...I've been waiting for the crash but it hasn't happened.
I've had a good month, considering...after a rather intoxicated few weeks and a great deal of self indulgence in the form of new clothes, I realize that i am just not shattered.
Mostly I am seeing how ridiculous his behavior is/was and since we've had zero interaction there's not a lot of that heart break fluttering...which is good.
Also, there's a new boy to chase...and Jaxx, while now with someone, is someone that I am clearly still interested in and who is still interested in me.
I'm home for the holidays now and somehow have managed to get a phone number and hook up with a friend.....the sounds of which make me worried that I'm being self-destructive, but I have to say that I don't feel bad...I don't feel desperate, I just feel good that I don't have to hide my life any more.
posted by Camel at 3:00 p.m.
2 Comments:
A friend of mine sent your dilemma, as he thought I could learn something looking at the other side. I have been the guy whom fell in love with another women. This women was a much better companion to me. But I never could get over betraying my ex. It's so fucking hard. I know that I'm far more compatible with my other lady, but I couldn't ever get over lying to my lady. So fucked up.....I love this lady, but know that i have to do something with my old lady...to try and do something...and realize that love is never permanently like the first year you are with some one. This guy probably couldn't risk what his woman gave him...stability. But because he at one time loved this girl he found it so hard to breakaway. I'm just speaking from my experience. The way I see it is this, if it was going to happen it will, no matter what, love will prevail. It takes time and pain, but longlasting love rises, often out of severe pain.
this sounds about right.....and I'm glad to hear that boys do think in ways that make sense...even if I don't appreciate the outcome...at least I can have faith that maybe someday there will be one that doesn't disappoint me.
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