lump in throat

I was surprised to learn this weekend that despite the time and distraction, i still feel something for a bf of long ago, I think I called him Jeremy or Jonathan or something in the past...let's go with Curly. Curly burned me, and it was my own fault. In retrospect, it would never have worked, we wanted different mates than each other, we just didn't know it at the time.

And at the time, I reacted like a big loser....since then joining the world of adults and learning to face the truth.

Last year I happened to be on a list of people he replied an email to....one of those forwards where you answer questions about yourself....where I learned he was engaged ....and apparently to a tall beautiful blond doctor....ouch...it stung, but given the insight of maturity, I was ok...

But KandK mentioned that she had up and left for no reason recently...and he was a mess...but is doing better now having met another doctor in hickville, CA. And yet, it still shook me. Less...but it still left me pensive. K1 says he's in love with being in love...and I wondered if I suffered the same afflicition.....I don't know how i'd feel if I saw him....but in truth I hope when I do that it is with a Timbuctoo who is publicly mine...sigh.