pathetic

I don't know. But man I felt like crap last night. I mean I really need to deal with this Timbuctoo problem. It's really interfering. Here's the rub.

So, I was chatting with him Thursday night and he said he was going to our local pub and I should come. I said I would but that I would not drink much. Which is what happened. The problem is that I still spent the whole time thinking about him and about how to get him to hang out with us. Eventually me and some friends left for dinner. And I just ended up feeling really lame and going home early after that. I mean granted I was exhausted, but still. I feel like I only want to go out if he's there. And that's sad. I hope it was just cuz I was tired.

Also, I felt really frustrated that I didn't have his attention...which again, is dumb. And I remember seeing his gf and thinking, "man she's nice." She smiled and said hi to me which didn't help. I, of course, kept thinking about what a horrible person I am and how she didn't deserve this and how I would be stupid to entertain the idea that he will ever leave her. And that all of course just made me feel bitter and lonely.

Sigh. I hate this. I feel like I don't want anyone else. And I feel like I don't want him. I just feel unhappy. Ugh.

And to make matters marginally worse, Junior's gf broke up with him. And talking to Timbuctoo today about Junior's body language confirmed my fears that he has/will quickly revert back to crushing on me...which would suck.

Sigh. I am Junior's friend and I want to help him get through this but I really don't want to deal with my feelings for Timbuctoo and at the same time have to stave off Junior. Arg. Well, anyway, I promised Junior we could watch the game tonight at the pub, so we will. And Timbuctoo might come out later, I don't know....sigh...we'll just see.