here there and everywhere
It seems like forever since I've had the opportunity to really think and talk. But I need a break, so what the hell.
Few things on my mind right this day:
I still feel like my life is getting ahead of me and I am desperately holding on. I hate that. It makes me feel like I'm not living. I actually felt kind of glad to get home from Florida so I could get back to catching up. And yet I still feel guilty for every second not spent working. It sucks. I think part of the problem is that I have a few projects that should have been done ages ago. I think I am going to put them to priority one this weekend and just get them over with. I think I will feel much better.
The next thing on my mind is Smiley, one of my closest friends. He told me today that he has an STD...not HIV or anything, but here's the catch. He's not sure he has it because he doesn't ever become symptomatic but apparently he appears to have given someone else the disease. Apparently he can't just get tested for it to set his poor mind at ease because the test isn't covered and it will only come out positive if he's in a certain state (he called shedding...no idea what that means) which he has not physical cues to. So one, obviously my knowledge of STDs is frighteningly lacking and two, how awful for him. I mean at least if you know you have one you can say so and take precautions. But since he can't know when he's contagious, he can only warn people.....that clearly sucks...and it clearly is a major flaw in our medical system that there is not program of blood tests to figure out for sure if he has it. Seems unfair....it's not new to him so he's not filled with angst or anything but I think he just needed to vent a bit. Other than feeling sorry for him, it also terrifies me to think about how utterly lucky I am and how unbelievably naive I am. I mean really....why don't I just go get tested for stuff and then I'll know for sure....probably cuz I'm a major wimp. I mean I went through a fairly short bout of unsafe behavior and nothing looks or feels strange but still....it just terrifies me how scary the whole bit is...
Few things on my mind right this day:
I still feel like my life is getting ahead of me and I am desperately holding on. I hate that. It makes me feel like I'm not living. I actually felt kind of glad to get home from Florida so I could get back to catching up. And yet I still feel guilty for every second not spent working. It sucks. I think part of the problem is that I have a few projects that should have been done ages ago. I think I am going to put them to priority one this weekend and just get them over with. I think I will feel much better.
The next thing on my mind is Smiley, one of my closest friends. He told me today that he has an STD...not HIV or anything, but here's the catch. He's not sure he has it because he doesn't ever become symptomatic but apparently he appears to have given someone else the disease. Apparently he can't just get tested for it to set his poor mind at ease because the test isn't covered and it will only come out positive if he's in a certain state (he called shedding...no idea what that means) which he has not physical cues to. So one, obviously my knowledge of STDs is frighteningly lacking and two, how awful for him. I mean at least if you know you have one you can say so and take precautions. But since he can't know when he's contagious, he can only warn people.....that clearly sucks...and it clearly is a major flaw in our medical system that there is not program of blood tests to figure out for sure if he has it. Seems unfair....it's not new to him so he's not filled with angst or anything but I think he just needed to vent a bit. Other than feeling sorry for him, it also terrifies me to think about how utterly lucky I am and how unbelievably naive I am. I mean really....why don't I just go get tested for stuff and then I'll know for sure....probably cuz I'm a major wimp. I mean I went through a fairly short bout of unsafe behavior and nothing looks or feels strange but still....it just terrifies me how scary the whole bit is...
posted by Camel at 11:40 p.m.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home