blogging on my futon in my underwear

Feeling not so bad. I was worried I made an idiot of myself to Cody last night, but he's been msn-ing me today, which must be a good sign.

Played ball with Timbuctoo today (gf not present) on our team (vs. his team) and had a fabulous time. Just like before the big oops.

It's funny how love/like can play us like fools. I mean I'm a friggin rollercoaster of emotions. Blissful leaning against Cody's arm, with his hand on my back. Disparate sitting on a bench next to Timbuctoo. Excited burning Timbuctoo on the ball field. Frustrated sitting at home at my desk, staring into my closet and wondering if I'll every find a lover like Timbuctoo again. Nervous msn-ing with Cody and wondering when he's gonna ask me out on a real date. Sad thinking about how Jesse never emails me anymore. It's amazing I can concentrate at all, really.

But someday I'm gonna write that book "All the bad things I've done" and I'm gonna realize that it was worth it. I've messed up some really good things, yes, but I can never say I didn't live or that I "shoulda". And maybe the person I am or that I become could only have come about because of these things. To be frank, I like me. And if being me means that I have regrets, then so be it.

RARRR!