Smile Like You Mean It

Sometimes life gets confusing. I mean, I know it's impossible to be happy to be all the time. But I wonder if "to be happy" is something tangible to strive for. I mean, I seem to find myself working towards "being caught up" instead. Like fulfillment is not having any looming deadlines. And I'm the one imposing the deadlines anyway.

What IS happiness anyway?

I can think of happy moments, but in general, sitting at my desk and working is something I THINK makes me feel happy, but usually involves me biting my nails...which tells me I'm not. In my lifestyle fantasies, I see myself working at my desk and being stuck on some problem and leaning back in my chair and thinking...not biting my nails and standing up every few minutes for a nap.

I've finally created the workspace that I see in my fantasy, but I'm still not working in it...is that just because I have taken on too many things? Or because I'm unfulfilled in other parts of my life or because it will just never be like I've imagined it?

I don't know. I know I'm happy when I'm walking down the street with Cody or having a beer with Timbuctoo or yakking about boys with roomie or on the phone with my best friend or hitting a softball or at a good action adventure flick with Miss Movies or reading Harry Potter. Moments...