for existing in the first place

ok, I'm not going to say something cliche like "it's funny how life goes up and down" or "just when everything's perfect..." But I am gonna talk today about what state human beings should aim for.

The easy answer is happiness. But the fact is that we just can't expect to be happy all the time. And we shouldn't try to fool ourselves into thinking we are happy when we are not. This is something I have been thinking about for a long time.

I used to picture my perfect homework area, or my perfect living room. And in all those fantasies I was working away happily at things that in general, I feel anxious or frustrated while doing. Recently I have started enjoying my desk, but I still find myself biting my nails anxiously rather than relaxedly raking my rock garden.

So if not happiness, then what? Well how about a state of readiness...not in the sense of anxiety but in the sense of feeling able to cope with whatever life throws at us. And/or how about following Ethan Hawke's advice in Reality Bites and "take pleasure in the little things"...pleasure is not the same as happiness. It is more momentary and expectedly so.

And I think that it is much more satisfying and believable to say that I am going to enjoy a moment than a lifetime. But I still expect to enjoy my lifetime...just not every second of it. I may even revel in some of the depressing parts.... (I recommend "August and Everything After" by the Counting Crows and "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" by Sara Mclachlan for such behavior)